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TheFifthElement
09-24-2008, 02:11 PM
I

We lie on the cusp of something
in between one thing and another,
neither here nor there, or anything much.

Or something amazing.
A dark world approaching the night’s end.

Watch, as the stars go out one by one:
small flames pressed between blue fingers
spreading, cradling the new world.

The earth turns towards the warm sun.

So slowly
a tongue of light slides damply over the soft hills.
Curves, like a woman’s curves, dark against
a burning sky.

How privileged we are to be here
watching the light form:
the light of creation,

tumbling down through the valley
the cold earth stretching, springing to life.



II

I come now
not to speak of hands,
of lips,
of eyes;

or the light,

how it spools
down

through the warm bush
of your hair,
sliding like water
over

under

the bridge of your neck,
a river,
cascading

down the smooth valley,
of your back,

fast:

a swollen river.

Rests. Deep into the cleft
where my eyes, my lips,

my hands rest.

Come.

Let us not speak.



III

His hand is on her knee
as he’s telling the story,

over again,

of how they first met.
He remembers,

he says,
the thinness of her dress
and her legs

clearly visible
through the light fabric.

He laughs then,
as he recounts the ease

of movement; the dress
slipping from her body
through his fingers
like warm rain,
shivering.

His hand on her knee
insisting:

‘do you remember…do you remember?’

She doesn’t hear him:
night is upon them.

Her head lolls onto his shoulder
as she slips into sleep.

She dreams,

and remembers the dancing.

romantic novel
09-24-2008, 03:21 PM
Wow...these are really vivid imagries...

I really love these lines..I live it as if it was real :)


especially these lines :

a swollen river.

Rests. Deep into the cleft
where my eyes, my lips,

my hands rest.

Come.

Let us not speak.


NO Comment........they are really great

Xillus_Xavier
09-24-2008, 06:38 PM
I liked number one.

I really liked number two.

I think number three is absolutely amazing. Really, really good poetry there.


Well done on all three, as each were very interesting.

PrinceMyshkin
09-24-2008, 08:47 PM
In addition to the individual, distinct merits of each of these is the drama of the way the form changes from one to the next. That drama was foretold in a sense in the first of these where you begin with your characteristically sturdy lines, your instinct for line breaks as magisterial as a cathedral, but then the authority of those line breaks begin to crumble somewhat towards the end of that verse, and the lines in the next two become more fragile, more personal...

The third of these, as one or two of the preceding posters have noted, is possibly the most moving of the three but it gains from having followed on the first two.

firefangled
09-25-2008, 09:54 PM
In addition to the individual, distinct merits of each of these is the drama of the way the form changes from one to the next. That drama was foretold in a sense in the first of these where you begin with your characteristically sturdy lines, your instinct for line breaks as magisterial as a cathedral, but then the authority of those line breaks begin to crumble somewhat towards the end of that verse, and the lines in the next two become more fragile, more personal...

The third of these, as one or two of the preceding posters have noted, is possibly the most moving of the three but it gains from having followed on the first two.

yea, what he just said.

You always amaze me with how you see the extraordinary aspects of ordinary things and occurances.

This is not to mention the skill you employ in the presentation of them.

thegitksan
09-27-2008, 01:45 AM
Nice shifting of perspective between poems 1,2&3. Yes, I can see, it moves from the remote, the majestic through to something quite personal. I sometimes find these kinds of poems sounding a little trite, but your words are fresh, not clichéd at all, which is harder to avoid than one might think.

Enjoyed this one a lot.