Crazy

[dibyendra]

Crazy

Clouds are scattered
in the shattered sky,
where the sun refuses to shine
and the moon doesn't give a damn.

This is how I am feeling,
my friend. I am a freak,
running scared, carrying
sinking feelings, staggering
on the edge, and If I fall
into the abyss, the infinite
darkness won't let me go back.

If only I could burn
the dragon, crawling on my back,
into ashes, then I would.
This is not who I am,
my friend. I am not
even myself, sometimes.

The turbulent feelings,
that's swirling inside in misery,
which If I unleash from the cage forever,
getting drunk as a skunk,
oh my friend, I'm afraid
that you'll laught at me,
labeling me 'crazy'.

Crazy (Second draft)

Clouds are scattered
in the shattered sky,
where the stars refuse to shine.

This is what I am feeling, my friend.

A freak, I am, staggering
on the edge, looks around,
but, finds no one but himself to blame.

If only I could burn
the dragon, crawling on my back,
into ashes, then I would.

This is not who I am, my friend.
I am not even myself, sometimes.

Reveal me not
whether it is dream or it is real.
Wake me up only when I get cold.

I unleash the turbulent feelings
from the cage forever
getting drunk as a skunk.

But, my friend, I'm afraid
that you'll label me as 'crazy'.


Crazy (First draft)

Clouds are scattered
in the shattered sky,
where the sun refuses to shine
and the moon gives a damn.

This is how I am feeling,
my friend. I stagger
and scream on the edge,
yet no one seems to care.

If only I could burn
the crazy devil inside
into the ashes, I would.

The skin cloaks the flesh
and flesh to the bone.
If only I could tear down
the wall and set the soul free.

This is not who I am,
my friend. I am not even
myself, sometimes.

I unveil bottled-up feelings,
which swirled inside for so long.
I let them out from this cage, forever.

But, I'm scared,
that you'll say I'm crazy.

That is why no one knows,
and, I guess, never will...

[qimissung]

o-o-o-h good one dibyendra! What an amazing description of crazy-probably one of the most misunderstood word, concept, states of mind ever.

[blazeofglory]

Wow! You came with another piece, so staggering!

[amanda_isabel]

wow. i didn't think of this one. i appreciated it, dibyendra :)

[dibyendra]

Many thanks to everyone who appreciated this piece! I would appreciate if you could provide comment on second draft of this poem as well. I've updated that on the first thread itself as a second draft. Thanks a lot once again! :)

[qimissung]

dibyendra, I think I liked the first one best, except I did like the line about the dragon, I think, better than the original. I think the first one is a little deeper and richer.

[dibyendra]

Thank you very much, qimissung, for your view. I thought that first draft was a bit raw and needs improvement and reordering as well. I hope I will be able to produce a good version of this poem soon. Thanks. :)

[dibyendra]

Bumping this thread again! Third draft updated into the first post itself! Any suggestions and comments, especially constructive, will be appreciated!

Thank you.

Diby

[Justin Rockwell]

I really like this poem, I can relate alot. Good job, keep it up.

please return the feedback...

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=622743#post622743

[Pendragon]

I think 3rd draft and it should be "The Moon doesn't give a damn" :thumbs_up

[dibyendra]

I really like this poem, I can relate alot. Good job, keep it up.


Thank you very much, Justin! I'm glad that you liked it.


I think 3rd draft and it should be "The Moon doesn't give a damn" :thumbs_up

And, thank you very much, Pen! Ah, that was a good suggestion! I liked it! Thanks! :)

[qimissung]

I think you really got it this time, diby-it's good!

[wilbur lim]

Significant and sublime for a poet who is endeavouring to advance in the art of poetry!

[dibyendra]

Thank you very much, both of you. I'm glad and inspired! :)

[kiz_paws]

Powerful poem, Dibyendra. I liked the Third Draft best. In particular, I loved

If only I could burn
the dragon, crawling on my back,
into ashes, then I would.
This is not who I am,
my friend. I am not
even myself, sometimes.Beautiful imagery. :thumbs_up

[Schizo-Manic]

this was an beautiful passage excellent piece of work...

[dibyendra]

Powerful poem, Dibyendra. I liked the Third Draft best. In particular, I loved
Beautiful imagery. :thumbs_up


this was an beautiful passage excellent piece of work...

Thank you very much, Kiz and Schizo, for your appreciation!