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kelby_lake
09-12-2008, 12:28 PM
When I was 15, I wished I could kill his wife:
'David Shant, man of mystery', that's what she called him. It was so silly because I knew everything about him. And he knew me almost entirely.

They were such a strange couple- she was classically beautiful yet unromantic and he was unassuming and incredibly romantic. Of course, everyone said how wonderful they were together, but I didn't see it. Not for jealousy, this was just my observation having studied his mannerisms.

I listened in on their private talks. David would say such things to her and she'd just turn away and laugh lightly, as if they didn't really mean much to him. She could not tell what I could- every nuance of his words, every syllable which shook slightly. He was forced to laugh along with her and be a generic husband.

'I should be his wife!' I used to hiss at my bedroom wall. Perhaps my jealousy may seem childish but back then I considered myself an adult- and an actual rival for his affections.

amanda_isabel
09-15-2008, 02:29 AM
hmm.. i think it's a good start, but there's a question--is it a start? or the whole thing itself?

as for a title, well... i can't really help you out there. so sorry.

kelby_lake
09-15-2008, 01:41 PM
It's a start, I think

Gobbo
09-15-2008, 03:48 PM
Nothing wrong with flash fiction -- it's amongst my favorite.

It's got flow. I would just try and flower it up ever so slightly. Ad a glass of wine or a joint and report back. Stat!

kelby_lake
09-16-2008, 03:27 PM
We had an argument once, me and her.
'Don't you think you should pay more attention to your husband?' I told her. Our neighbourhood had had a big garden party but David didn't really get on with many of the people there. Not that they hated each other- they just didn't talk. And I could only engage him in conversation for a bit.
She sneered at me.
'What has my marriage got to do with you?'
'Nothing, it's just that...'
'Leave my husband alone!' And she slapped me, though I hadn't done anything. She really was a jealous monster.

I waited until the end of the party to tell him. I had ammunition now, a reason why he should hate her.
'Siobhan hit you?! What a horrible spiteful thing to do- and to a child!'