After the Party

[kaaatie]

Gin in teacups
Crystalline cobwebs

Acres of dust.

Powdered faces
Collide in embraces

Dripping with lust.

Cigar smoke, a gramophone,
A scarlet Bakelite telephone.

Take off your shoes and now you must

Slide your silken stockings down.
Your violet-blue lace dressing gown

Slips over corselette untrussed.

The coals are out, the house is colder,
Pull the brushed cotton sheets up to your shoulder.
As hearth coughs out soot at a sudden gust

You tumble wine-numbed in a sea of dreams
Fur and jewels and canapes; all of it seems

Unreal. So much to covet, so little to trust.

[paperleaves]

I would really love a signed copy of this.
Beautiful.

[kaaatie]

Thank you! This is the first time I've ever showed any of my poems to anyone, so I'm really glad you liked it :)

[qimissung]

You paint a vivid picture, and captured that rather flat after-party feeling so perfectly...

[blazeofglory]

I like the poem

[Virgil]

I really like it too. The first half seems very intense. The list of disparate images really charges the language. However it loses something toward the end. If you ask for my opinion, I would edit the poem like this:

Gin in teacups
Crystalline cobwebs

Acres of dust.

Powdered faces
Collide in embraces

Dripping with lust.

Cigar smoke, a gramophone,
A scarlet Bakelite telephone.

Take off your shoes and now you must

Slide your silken stockings down.
Your violet-blue lace dressing gown

Slips over corselette untrussed.

You tumble wine-numbed in a sea of dreams
Fur and jewels and canapes.
The rest seems to lack intensity and is mundane.