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Silven
09-08-2008, 05:37 AM
Cold and alone, he sat in the corner
His one true love left him sitting alone
shivering now and covered with cloth
and still not keeping the cold out.

his warmth has left him, not to return...
nothing can be said to waive his sadness
it is set so deep it burns with a cold shrill
burrowing the whole of his soul inside him

his head over time will learn to conquer
and swallow self pity and shame
and his life will become an empty cup
once so rich and full of love

a shadow walks here and there
look there he goes again
so despondent and self destructive
it is dangerous to be around this man

and once you see him sitting there
where his girl left him alone
worshipping like a shrine he has
you too will see he is lost.

qimissung
09-09-2008, 05:13 PM
I really like the image you create-it's not easy to write about love or it's loss, so many metaphors and similes have been overused. But you managed to create and sustain a feeling of loss and portray it quite well and in a unique fashion.

blazeofglory
09-10-2008, 12:15 PM
Fabulous.

Pensive
09-10-2008, 07:15 PM
Really sad but I kind of liked it.

Silven
09-11-2008, 07:50 PM
Thanks for your comments!

ShadowFire
09-13-2008, 10:56 AM
Well done. I like it very much. I agree with qimissung about the wonderful images. You are a very good poet from what I have read. Thank you for sharing.

hoope
10-17-2008, 05:51 PM
marvelous .. you r having an amazing way of describing.. which
makes me live the poem..
thx alot sharing it :-)

Pendragon
10-18-2008, 08:09 AM
Nicely put together, brings up a clear image! :D

romantic novel
10-18-2008, 01:24 PM
Wonderful poem..

Vivid images..

Well done!!

:)

teleios
10-18-2008, 10:07 PM
Wow...

This is actually my first time (and first thread) in this section of the forums.

Excellent poem. I do hope the rest of them are equally admirable!

Silven
10-19-2008, 05:51 PM
Thankyou.

I really appreciate all your comments.