White Maiden

[Tia_Pixie]

White Maiden in The Rain

White Maiden in the rain
Her unseeing eyes wide.
She isn't dead yet but
She's dead inside.

Open in her stupor
Her reddened lips parted.
No tears on her cheeks
For her Dearly Dead Departed.

Streaming down her face,
Nor glist'ning on her chin.
She isn't dead yet but
She's dead within.

White maiden in the rain,
Her mem'ries in her eyes.
Dearly Dead Departed
Watches sadly as she dies.

Forever Friend is crying,
Holds White Maiden in her arms.
Her pale body cold and limp,
As the storm inside her calms.

In awful, deathly contrast
The blood screams from her veins.
To the ghostly pale skin
Which no longer feels the rain.

She was cold and unforgiving
When they told her he was dead.
Now her lips hold in a kiss
As they fade to blue from red.

They’d have spent their lives together,
If they’d ever had the chance
Now they’ll spend their deaths together
In one last eternal dance.

[qimissung]

It reminds me of Ophelia in 'Hamlet" or one of those girls in medieval times who languished when their love died. I like it a lot...you captured the melancholy mood perfectly.

[Dark Muse]

This made me think of Snow White, it was beautiful, and very sad.

[paperleaves]

"She isn't dead yet but
She's dead within."

that is exactly how I feel.
this is beautifully captured, thank you for sharing :)

[Tia_Pixie]

yay! feedback. Thanks for replying people, I was worried no one would.

I was going to post this as a separate thread but then I read the rules for this forum and realised I really shouldn't. Anyway, I wrote a sort of sequel poem in that it's the same subjects but a different rythym. So I'm going to go back and edit the first post and stick it on the end of that. :D

[PrinceMyshkin]

"She isn't dead yet but
She's dead within."

that is exactly how I feel.
this is beautifully captured, thank you for sharing :)

You may feel that way, kiddo (please forgive the condescension!) but take it from me and probably a whole lot of others here, you're plenty not dead inside, outside, as far as your arms can reach - and beyond!

[PrinceMyshkin]

yay! feedback. Thanks for replying people, I was worried no one would.

I was going to post this as a separate thread but then I read the rules for this forum and realised I really shouldn't. Anyway, I wrote a sort of sequel poem in that it's the same subjects but a different rythym. So I'm going to go back and edit the first post and stick it on the end of that. :D

This is SUCH a good poem in the gothic mode but may I suggest that the "extra" bit is not SO extra but might better replace the original last verse?

[Tia_Pixie]

This is SUCH a good poem in the gothic mode but may I suggest that the "extra" bit is not SO extra but might better replace the original last verse?


Wow, thanks! I wasn't really expecting such good responses.:D Yeah, I did consider that I should leave the last verse until the end of the 'extra' bit or just leave it out completely? My concern was that because of the difference in rythym it might seem a bit wierd. Thanks though, I think I might go back and chnage it to that.