Impressions at the Pinetum

[TheFifthElement]

Silence of trees
stark staring at a placid sky.
A rabbit amongst the reeds.
Sound of ripping and bird call.
A cold wind blows: sea-green.
Glint of gold and names long dead.
Rain-chill.
Flies around crumbs.
The image reflects my dreams.
A buttercup, the absence of sun.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sometimes - as here - it seems that where or when one ends the poem is the most powerful effect of it. And given how we are all to some extent or other chatterers, always with at least one more word that might be said, there is something of wisdom and courage in not saying that one word more. This hurt by ending where it did, and thank you.

[Sweets America]

I love the power of the words here, Fifth. This is a very strong one, heavy. You used the sensation of humidity very well (not sure that was how you wanted me to feel the poem, but that was how I felt it ayway!). The flies were well-chosen too, because of the idea of decay that they convey. That last line, of course, is wonderful. The images, stillness and smothering atmosphere are something I have found elsewhere in your poetry. I am still a fan of it.

[symphony]

That "silence of trees" and "rain-chill" went right through me.
So much in so few words.

[Il Penseroso]

Well, I agree with the above. This is a very powerful piece, though I don't think the line "The image reflects my dreams" works for me. I'm not entirely sure about the use of abstraction, but also the line seems a bit cliche.

Just some thoughts. Great little poem 5th.

These lines I particularly like:

"A cold wind blows: sea-green.
Glint of gold and names long dead.
Rain-chill.
Flies around crumbs."

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Prince, Sweets and Symphony

Il Penseroso thanks for commenting. Yes, I agree about that line, it really doesn't fit, not with the poem or what I was trying to achieve. Thanks for pointing it out.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Il Penseroso thanks for commenting. Yes, I agree about that line, it really doesn't fit, not with the poem or what I was trying to achieve. Thanks for pointing it out.

On the other hand, everything prior to that line has been, as it were, objective observation. The line in question reminds us that there is an observer and it or one like it is an absolutely necessary set-up for the poignant last line.

[Sweets America]

Sorry, it's me again. I wanted to add that what I find great about the last line is that you could have searched for a metaphor, or a more complicated way to say it, but you chose these very simple words, and yet that is what makes is poignant for me. I find this great.