My Love

[mazHur]

My Love
mazHur




Should I tell you
what my love looks like?
should I say she's like a moon
that brightens the dark nights;
Or, the resemblance of sun
which shines and warms the gist of life;
should I compare her to a flower,
envied by a rose in the midst of spring;
Or, should I compare her to the hidden beauty
whom none has seen undressed
but the walls and doors of her abode?
She is a houri on earth
the folks in paradise look at her with envy;
she is my love, my beloved
she runs like a sanguine fluid
through the veins of my heart and soul;
she lives with me, by me all the time
though my eyes cannot see her
but I can feel her, her love
in every beat of my heart,
in my thoughts, in my dreams.
She exists for me
She's mine
she may not know
but I know, I know.

[paperleaves]

:) How nice!

[Pensive]

Quite cliched. For example:


Should I tell you
what my love looks like?
should I say she's like a moon
that brightens the dark nights;
Or, the resemblance of sun
which shines and warms the gist of life;
should I compare her to a flower,
envied by a rose in the midst of spring


the folks in paradise look at her with envy


though my eyes cannot see her
but I can feel her, her love
in every beat of my heart,
in my thoughts, in my dreams.

But the lines that I find a bit different and have kind of liked have been these:


she is my love, my beloved
she runs like a sanguine fluid

Nice rhyming and an interesting comparison.

[Dark Muse]

I thought it was beautiful and very romantic

[qimissung]

I think it's quite beautiful, mazHur.

[Xillus_Xavier]

Although I do find some of the lines cliche like Pensive has already mentioned, I think that it's perfectly ok for a poem of this nature to have some cliche to it. Sometimes a cliche line or two works well and I think this is one of those times.

[goldenrod]

The old and familiar can be a spring-board for a launch into the outer limits...for instance yesterday I watched my kidneys disappear as a fading maelstrom of tiny sparks and thought it of slightly above normal interest...

goldenrod.