Countess
08-23-2008, 03:57 PM
For some stupid reason, I am struggling with my verb tenses in this paragraph. What I am trying to show is a progression in fashion choices that reflect character, ie
While mortal, Phoenix hid from everybody by wearing this....
Once converted, she wore this...
Now she is wearing this...
I've rewritten this paragraph about 10 times now and it's driving me insane. Can anyone check my verb tenses and make sure they are correct? I'm driving myself nuts here!
Thanks!
Before her conversion to vampirism, Phoenix had conformed to the blandest sartorial notions of general society by wearing oversized, drab clothing that hid her figure and rendered her transparent in a crowd of people, especially to those predatory males that intimidated her. But, once Byron had introduced into her the vampiric strain, she had changed, and favored the Romantic and Victorian styles of his day, and at night, especially, had donned dresses of silk, voile, chiffon or tulle. Thanks to her newfound strength mortal men no longer humiliated her, and in her nouveau milieu, the wolves - as she once had called them -never pretended to be anything else.
But recently a new mood - a darker and more parlous one - had taken control of her, and sent her investigating the sinister, insidious parts of town peopled by night creatures, vampire and mortal alike.
While mortal, Phoenix hid from everybody by wearing this....
Once converted, she wore this...
Now she is wearing this...
I've rewritten this paragraph about 10 times now and it's driving me insane. Can anyone check my verb tenses and make sure they are correct? I'm driving myself nuts here!
Thanks!
Before her conversion to vampirism, Phoenix had conformed to the blandest sartorial notions of general society by wearing oversized, drab clothing that hid her figure and rendered her transparent in a crowd of people, especially to those predatory males that intimidated her. But, once Byron had introduced into her the vampiric strain, she had changed, and favored the Romantic and Victorian styles of his day, and at night, especially, had donned dresses of silk, voile, chiffon or tulle. Thanks to her newfound strength mortal men no longer humiliated her, and in her nouveau milieu, the wolves - as she once had called them -never pretended to be anything else.
But recently a new mood - a darker and more parlous one - had taken control of her, and sent her investigating the sinister, insidious parts of town peopled by night creatures, vampire and mortal alike.