I was waiting for you

[PrinceMyshkin]

I could almost draw a line
from the celibate bed
where you woke up this morning,
through your usual breakfast
– low-fat yogurt with home-made
granola, orange starfruit herbal tea
--your morning jog,
the route you would take to work

and I could almost tell
exactly where it would intersect
with my route that day
but it seems that I got something wrong,
the lonely pensioner
you stopped to chat with,
something you needed for work
but had forgotten
and returned home to get

so that when, at last, you crossed
that pre-ordained point
I was waiting for you
but at some other corner

[Sweets America]

Excellent! Very much like you, I like it a lot. The only criticism I have is that it perhaps sounds a little too much like prose here. Not sure. Anyway, I love the idea.

[CdnReader]

I like this one very much. It continues to build on the concept of being destined to meet, missing the target by only an inch or two, and yet there's hope that given enough time and opportunity they still might get it right. Bravo! :)

[Virgil]

I think this is fascinating. It draws me in, wishing I could get to the heart of it. Of coruse one can't. But boy do I like this. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Excellent! Very much like you, I like it a lot. The only criticism I have is that it perhaps sounds a little too much like prose here. Not sure. Anyway, I love the idea.

Thank you so much, Sweets - for both the positive & the negative. I think it is an ever-present danger with the sort of poetry I've been writing that at times it will come too close to being prose.


I think this is fascinating. It draws me in, wishing I could get to the heart of it. Of coruse one can't. But boy do I like this. :)

It pleases me almost more than I can say that you like it, Virgil, since I've always thought your taste ran to the more formal sort of poetry.

(And come to think of it you haven't posted any on your own in quite a while - unless I missed it?)


I like this one very much. It continues to build on the concept of being destined to meet, missing the target by only an inch or two, and yet there's hope that given enough time and opportunity they still might get it right. Bravo! :)

I suppose they might indeed, but by accident rather than careful calculation. My bleaker understanding was that they had that one chance - and blew it.

Kind of like "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she had to go into the other one!"

[Virgil]

It pleases me almost more than I can say that you like it, Virgil, since I've always thought your taste ran to the more formal sort of poetry.


I've grown to really appreciate your poetry. I won't say everyone is a home run, but you are the Lou Gehrig of Lit Net, if you know baseball. Lou Gehrig played every day without fail for for twenty something years, and every day he was productive. From reading your poetry i've learned that one can simplify the language and still be poetic. I used to strain too hard for the turn of phrase. Thanks.

I've got one in the summer poetry contest which ends today and I'll post. I think i can admit to it at this point.

[goldenrod]

I can empathize with the antithetic theme of the piece, as my first enounter with my lady, was the result of a series of improbable happenings which, like a long undulating putt, would only drop into the hole, one out of a thousand tries!

goldenrod.

[Umbilical]

wow, powerful and depressing.

:(

[Pendragon]

One great poem from a man known now for producing great poems! Wonderful, sad, and a trifle mystic...I mean what would have happened had they met? :thumbs_up

[Umbilical]

they would have never recognized each other. -
what came to my head.



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