Scorched

[TheFifthElement]

We watch the hillside burn from an upstairs room.
For days the grass has been tinder dry,
scorched brown by a cruel sky, unyielding sun.

This year the rains have been slow to come,
and everything has suffered; a wilted apocalypse.
This is just the latest in a series of disasters.

We have become accustomed to the dry heat,
long, burning nights without sleep or release;
the damp cling of the sheets, waking tangled
as we used to wake up tangled in each other.

The fan above our heads spins, but moves nothing.

We have learned to create our own illusions.
Throw open all the doors and windows to let
the absent wind blow through; walk briskly in and out

of open rooms dragging the still air with us
as though by a matter of consequence
where one goes, the other must follow.

We sit under the glow of blue lamps thinking
cold thoughts, paste up posters of snow-caked
mountains, ice-sheets, a cool map of the Antarctic.

At night we curl up on the kitchen floor, warm stone,
the refrigerator door swung wide, deeply breathing in
its milky breath like the fragrant smoke from a hookah-pipe,
but it makes no difference.

The food is spoiled and we are still weary.

The reservoirs are dry. The ground is cracked.
The world has given up its colour. The flowers
are dead. Crops shrivel in the fields.

The grass is brown and tinder dry.

In the end it takes just one spark.
Flames spill down the hillside like jewels
tossed from an open hand.
How they glitter. How they shine.

The fire approaches the darkened window
where we watch, hand in hand.
The smoke is thick now, and black.

We cannot escape, we cannot turn back
the clock. We are ready to burn.

[CdnReader]

Amazing poem, Fifth. I've missed your words here, and I'm glad you're back.

[Sweets America]

WOW!! Fifth!! This is excellent!! :banana:

I love the way you depicted the smothering atmosphere, I love the tone of the poem, and how it gets more and more intense, and I love how what the poem tells can be an image for other things and human relationships.

[whitman]

yes excellent i could feel the heat and claustrophobia.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There is something of a kinship in this to the work of JM Coetze, the sense of something that looks like detached observation but beneath which one can feel emotion that might destroy if allowed free rein

I read this - despite remembering that I've read other of your poems this way and have been corrected - I read this as being about the human relationship, of which one gets glimpses, rather than of the protagonists' relationship with nature.

[Virgil]

I've come back to this a couple of times now and it seems to get better with each read. Only criticism I could offer is this phrase seems not as strong as the rest: "by a cruel sky, unyielding sun". It makes me want to think, why is the sky cruel, when it seems you want me to focus on the couple. It also doesn't seem so origninal. But the rest seems perfect. I like the repetition of "we" opeinning four of the first six stanzas. How wonderful this stanza:

We sit under the glow of blue lamps thinking
cold thoughts, paste up posters of snow-caked
mountains, ice-sheets, a cool map of the Antarctic.
And the closing is so powerful:

The grass is brown and tinder dry.

In the end it takes just one spark.
Flames spill down the hillside like jewels
tossed from an open hand.
How they glitter. How they shine.

The fire approaches the darkened window
where we watch, hand in hand.
The smoke is thick now, and black.

We cannot escape, we cannot turn back
the clock. We are ready to burn.

That is powerful and the closing sentence is well earned, but I'm a little confused by the logic of the poem. If the couple is is in cold thoughts and no longer find themselves tangled, why are they ready to burn? I guess they are just ready from the lack of it all, but it does seem a little disjointed. The switch does come sudden. But overall I loved this poem.

[symphony]

I really really like it. I could relate to it. I could touch it, and feel it. I could burn with it.

And oh i miss writing so much!

Its good to see a poem by you after so long a time, fifth. A pleasure, indeed.

[Xillus_Xavier]

I haven't been on here in quite some time and I picked a great time
to return. This is excellent poetry!! The ending is strong enough to linger with you long after reading the poem, and the buildup to that ending was great.
Well done!

[ampoule]

Absolutely wonderful, Fifth. Now I don't mind that you were away for awhile when you bring us things like this. But don't get any big ideas...about leaving again. Just put your big ideas in a poem for us.

[goldenrod]

Perfect storm! Antithetic I know, but having been present in Australia, Tasmania and Portugal during such events, your poem certainly evoked the same feelings, if not more intense than those I experienced at first hand!


goldenrod.

[qimissung]

I loved reading the poem and enjoying the subtext. And the ending! "We cannot escape, we cannot turn back the clock. We are ready to burn."Very powerful. I think this couple has been suppressing their feelings for some time; now their smoldering feelings begin to burn...

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Cdn, symphony, whitman, Xillius, goldenrod, qimissung. I was a bit nervous about posting this, but your comments have been very heartening. Thanks for reading :)

Sweets and Prince yes, of course, you're right this is also an exploration of human relationships. Thanks for your comments :)

Virgil it's passion or die! Seriously, you have, perhaps unwittingly, picked up on the one point I was nervous about with the poem 'does it hang together'? I'm still not sure. I'm not sure if the distance between the internal and external landscape is too great. I still need to think about that. Thanks for reading, I appreciate your comments.

ampoule thanks for your comments, it's always nice to hear from you. I'm here to stay, I think. It's kind of difficult to stay away. There are so many lovely people here :)

[Virgil]

Virgil it's passion or die! Seriously, you have, perhaps unwittingly, picked up on the one point I was nervous about with the poem 'does it hang together'? I'm still not sure.
Why "unwittingly"? Am I an idiot savant? :lol: It seems like there is a little bit (and I very much want to emphasize little) disconnect. I think it can be resolved in one's mind in that the couple are only estranged by a sort of mundane life and that one spark will rekndle their love life.


I'm not sure if the distance between the internal and external landscape is too great. I still need to think about that. Thanks for reading, I appreciate your comments.
I don't think it's too great. I was left wondering why the landscape was such. You extend the conceit so far that it's more than a metaphor, but a hard reality. After recently reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road (which is set in a devastated future) I began thinking that something had happened to the world or perhaps you were going to make a global warming statement. :D But that goes away as one reads further.

[TheFifthElement]

Why "unwittingly"? Am I an idiot savant? :lol:
:lol: No! But not a mind reader either! Or are you?

[Virgil]

:lol: No! But not a mind reader either! Or are you?

I didn't know what you meant. No I don't know your personal life and I'm not a mind reader. But it was there in the poem.

[Nossa]

We sit under the glow of blue lamps thinking
cold thoughts, paste up posters of snow-caked
mountains, ice-sheets, a cool map of the Antarctic.

I really liked this poem! Good job!
And trust me, you have captured what it's like to live in Egypt in the summer without an A/C :lol: Kidding lol. But I really liked how you described their feelings, I could almost feel the heat and the still air.

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Nossa :)