Dragon

[IconicOne]

The story of the Dragon and The Half Elf
The rock was jiggling as the ignorant boy slept. He saw and heard nothing in the night. The little body that was wriggling in the rock was oblivious. All it knew was that it was hatching and the time was now.
A gold dragon saw the image in her minds eye as it was happening. She was trapped in the huge metal cage. A young black haired boy watched her intensely with evil in his red eyes. “ You.” his deep, dark voice resonated through the cave.
“What, you imbecile? “ she roared through her mind .
“I’ll will ride you and you will obey me. Understood?” he yelled back. His eyes blazed from the fire on the walls.
“ You think a beast like me would let you , a pesticide, ride my noble scales?” she demanded.
“You let yourself be captured and sedated for ten days. Why should this be any different?” he replied slyly .
The red rock cracked with a resonated boom. A scream rang out of the boys mouth as he heard it sound in his human like ears. He felt the pointed tips of his hearing devices. Should a young half elf be hearing things.? Is this a whole dream. ? He thought.
The gold dragon screamed in outrage as the spear pierced her underbelly. “ YOU WILL LET ME RIDE YOU!” the man screamed. His fists clenched into tight white and red balls.
“ I WOULD RATHER LET MY DAUGHTER LIVE AND I DIE THAN A CIRCUS CLOWN RIDE THE GREAT DEMENTIA!” she bellowed back . She burnt the cell bars down with her gold fire and clawed the spear out of her belly.
The man looked up at her in new fright. Now that she wasn’t in the cage he was the smaller team in this game.
The boy took the rock in his hands and put his ear to it to listen. A high pitched squeak pierced him. He grunted and jumped back. What is this , a rock ? , an egg? Why do I have it anyway? He thought to himself. Not even knowing how important this event was.
A spew of flame shot out of Dementia the Dragon’s mouth and burned down the evil man. His last words were, “ I have lived a dark life. But as the fire of a dragon burns me….I see light.” and as he burned a baby dragon was born into the hands of an ignorant half elf boy.
It squeaked in hunger and in pain of the newfound warmth. The arms of the elf were strong and steady as he fed the creature a piece of meat. It gobbled it up like an ant with sugar. As this happened, a legend was born.

:lol: (that's a nervous laugh people) i hope you guys like this. (Please comment on it)

[wilbur lim]

This is a action-thriller fantasy story.A vast amount of action and conversation,and I do not think it suits me.Hilarious.Decent job.

By the way,I would like to add that you had applied some excellent vocabularies in your story.I hope that I could write like you.I am exigent about it.

[Zippy]

I thought it was very good. It shows a great imagination and has some fantastic action sequences. I think you could do even better with more practice. Keep it up!

[Nighteyes5678]

Not bad, however it could use some work. For example, the transition between the vision-like sequence with the dragon and the evil guy to the boy and the rock is a little choppy. The reader could be benefited by a more clear separation of the two, which could be done as easily as putting one into italics and the other normal - keep them in separate paragraphs as well.

Also, you use a few turns of phrase that are not very medieval-fantasy. For example: "...would let you , a pesticide, ride my..." Not many ancient towns I know of have pesticides... Also, consider: "“ I WOULD RATHER LET MY DAUGHTER LIVE AND I DIE THAN A CIRCUS CLOWN RIDE THE GREAT DEMENTIA!”" Circus Clown? A "fool" or "court jester" would have better flavor.

So, cleaning these things up would be a good start. ^_^

[aBIGsheep]

Read the story out to yourself. That's one of the easiest ways to see if your story flows or not. If it sounds choppy, then it reads choppy.