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IconicOne
08-15-2008, 01:36 AM
The story of the Dragon and The Half Elf
The rock was jiggling as the ignorant boy slept. He saw and heard nothing in the night. The little body that was wriggling in the rock was oblivious. All it knew was that it was hatching and the time was now.
A gold dragon saw the image in her minds eye as it was happening. She was trapped in the huge metal cage. A young black haired boy watched her intensely with evil in his red eyes. “ You.” his deep, dark voice resonated through the cave.
“What, you imbecile? “ she roared through her mind .
“I’ll will ride you and you will obey me. Understood?” he yelled back. His eyes blazed from the fire on the walls.
“ You think a beast like me would let you , a pesticide, ride my noble scales?” she demanded.
“You let yourself be captured and sedated for ten days. Why should this be any different?” he replied slyly .
The red rock cracked with a resonated boom. A scream rang out of the boys mouth as he heard it sound in his human like ears. He felt the pointed tips of his hearing devices. Should a young half elf be hearing things.? Is this a whole dream. ? He thought.
The gold dragon screamed in outrage as the spear pierced her underbelly. “ YOU WILL LET ME RIDE YOU!” the man screamed. His fists clenched into tight white and red balls.
“ I WOULD RATHER LET MY DAUGHTER LIVE AND I DIE THAN A CIRCUS CLOWN RIDE THE GREAT DEMENTIA!” she bellowed back . She burnt the cell bars down with her gold fire and clawed the spear out of her belly.
The man looked up at her in new fright. Now that she wasn’t in the cage he was the smaller team in this game.
The boy took the rock in his hands and put his ear to it to listen. A high pitched squeak pierced him. He grunted and jumped back. What is this , a rock ? , an egg? Why do I have it anyway? He thought to himself. Not even knowing how important this event was.
A spew of flame shot out of Dementia the Dragon’s mouth and burned down the evil man. His last words were, “ I have lived a dark life. But as the fire of a dragon burns me….I see light.” and as he burned a baby dragon was born into the hands of an ignorant half elf boy.
It squeaked in hunger and in pain of the newfound warmth. The arms of the elf were strong and steady as he fed the creature a piece of meat. It gobbled it up like an ant with sugar. As this happened, a legend was born.


This story was written by my own typing hands. I hope you enjoy it to it's fullest. IconicOne

Mortdefides
08-15-2008, 09:42 AM
It is nice, but you have some mistakes - grammatical & etc. But that could be corrected, don't worry about it.

It is a good story but on the other hand it is rather pointless... short... If you manage to continue it, to widen the circle of characters - it'd be splendid. Not that you must but fantasy is nearly always good when long. I guess you've read Paolini's books: Eragon, The eldest... So what I'm trying to say is - you should keep writing and eventually you'll end up with a longer and better story.

Nevertheless I enjoyed your style - it resembles mine at some places. Or mine resembles yours... or perhaps we resemble some other great writer... I can't say. Hope my meaningless advices gave you some clarity.