Photographs

[whitman]

The photographic wind left my dream
it took my neighbour as its new theme,
it trapped him in a series
of images intimating his worst theories.
The photographs blurred into a film chapter
playing in a theatre.
The wind blew through the screen
reaching me in the seats
i became part of the films scene
and turned into the chapter's streets,
he walked the streets and ended
up in the theatre,
glimpsed himself shouted
and turned off the films projector.

[firefangled]

The photographic wind left my dream
it took my neighbour as its new theme,
it trapped him in a series
of images intimating his worst theories.
The photographs blurred into a film chapter
playing in a theatre.
The wind blew through the screen
reaching me in the seats
i became part of the films scene
and turned into the chapter's streets,
he walked the streets and ended
up in the theatre,
glimpsed himself shouted
and turned off the films projector.


This has many more possibilities than your treatment allows. The rhyme is the first thing I would drop.

If you are going to get surreal as with "photographic wind" just come right out and say photographs in the wind, or the photographs of wind, or the wind was photographing.

Surreal is bold territory; an adjective constructed from a noun in this case seems timid.

Very imaginitive components. These are the kind you rework until we wonder how it is that we believe you telling us the impossible. :)

[whitman]

i was trying to convey a dream within a dream within a dream...did you get this when reading the poem firefingled.?