Freedom of Love

[Pensive]

Upset by the treatment of people as if they are but mere objects, I couldn't help writing it down. It felt very weird working on it as it has probably been my first poem in this style. Hope it makes enough sense to enable you guys to offer any comments on it. Some constructive criticism would especially be appreciated. :)


Freedom of Love
Her eyes shine whenever she looks at me
Her lips twitch into a smile which she otherwise never wears before
Voice becomes amazingly sweet
"I love you
Have never felt this way before
I am pretty sure"
Then she acts if gripping collars of my shirt, bringing me closer
Believing she has captured me
But in reality just having control over money in my pocket
Then I hold her even more tightly, all physical distances removed
Believing I have conquered her
But in reality just having been introduced to her physical touch
B for Beautiful and B for Beliefs
Beautiful Beliefs
Repeating herself she says again
As if this reminder is all I need to ler her continue grip on my pocket
"I love you"

And I know she means it
She loves the price tag on my coat
She loves me being the owner of a fast expensive boat
She loves the food on my table
She loves all lavish labels
She loves my generosity
She loves my habit of arousing people's curiosity
She loves my attention
She loves my capability to buy her a mansion
And I know she means it
She really loves me
Just like I love her

She notices my purse
And I her killer legs
You are free to choose
If you make love with a stone statue and you enjoy it
There is nothing to lose!
Objects or People - love is for all and same
Such views promote equality
This is a free country
It's all about your priority
Love is priority and priority love

[Dark Muse]

It is fun to try new things. I really liked this one, and what you did with it, as well as the concept behind it.


And I know she means it
She loves the price tag on my coat
She loves me being the owner of a fast expensive boat
She loves the food on my table
She loves all lavish labels
She loves my generosity
She loves my habit of arousing people's curiosity
She loves my attention
She loves my capability to buy her a mansion
And I know she means it
She really loves me
Just like I love her

I thought this section was great.

[dibyendra]

Freedom of Love
Her eyes shine whenever she looks at me
Her lips twitch into a smile which she otherwise never wears before
Voice becomes amazingly sweet
"I love you
Have never felt this way before
I am pretty sure"
Then she acts if gripping collars of my shirt, bringing me closer
Believing she has captured me
But in reality just having control over money in my pocket
Then I hold her even more tightly, all physical distances removed
Believing I have conquered her
But in reality just having been introduced to her physical touch
B for Beautiful and B for Beliefs
Beautiful Beliefs
Repeating herself she says again
As if this reminder is all I need to ler her continue grip on my pocket
"I love you"

And I know she means it
She loves the price tag on my coat
She loves me being the owner of a fast expensive boat
She loves the food on my table
She loves all lavish labels
She loves my generosity
She loves my habit of arousing people's curiosity
She loves my attention
She loves my capability to buy her a mansion
And I know she means it
She really loves me
Just like I love her

She notices my purse
And I her killer legs
You are free to choose
If you make love with a stone statue and you enjoy it
There is nothing to lose!
Objects or People - love is for all and same
Such views promote equality
This is a free country
It's all about your priority
Love is priority and priority love

Pensive, I was quite engrossed while reading your poem and I found your new style of poem quite interesting. I value the last stanza of this poem as I loved your philosophical thoughts about love and materialistic views. I particularly loved following lines the most and I would like to say "Bravo" for this poem. Great work! :thumbs_up



Believing I have conquered her
But in reality just having been introduced to her physical touch
B for Beautiful and B for Beliefs
Beautiful Beliefs



She notices my purse
And I her killer legs
You are free to choose
If you make love with a stone statue and you enjoy it
There is nothing to lose!
Objects or People - love is for all and same
Such views promote equality
This is a free country
It's all about your priority
Love is priority and priority love

[Pendragon]

And I know she means it
She loves the price tag on my coat
She loves me being the owner of a fast expensive boat
She loves the food on my table
She loves all lavish labels
She loves my generosity
She loves my habit of arousing people's curiosity
She loves my attention
She loves my capability to buy her a mansion
And I know she means it
She really loves me
Just like I love her



I'm going to echo Muse, Pensy, this part of the poem is your best, but I actually like it all! :thumbs_up

[tedgemon]

indeed. love has become materialistic. i liked it alot.

[goldenrod]

Give and take! Bitter love for recompense.

My wife told me she knew she was marrying a "stick in the mud", but, knowing which was the dirty end of the stick, decided to say "I do" anyway!:)


goldenrod.

[Pensive]

Thank you all. Encouragement much appreciated!


I thought this section was great.

And I was thinking this was probably some silly rhyming but am glad you liked it. :)