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BL3SS3D
08-06-2008, 05:51 PM
im just looking for some opinions on my writing..you can love it or hate it but here it is.....

You think your fly'...when your in need of a crash landin'
disrespectful and missunderstanding, step to me like you know me
and understood what i went through, Bi*CH get out ma face b4 i slap you
dudes walk around like they know what a real man is, what a real man does,
think they big just because they gotta glock in they pockets, when they need to stop it.
shootin a bullet aint gonna make the pain stop, before they can understand you hear a loud pop
another life down the drain, heart full of hurt, fire in your veins a certain kinda pain youd hate to explain.
eyes get blurry, chest gettin heavy, sayin think nex time before you disrespect me, you need to stop put the damn knife and gun down
take a look around..you by yourself and thats how its gonna be, you finally got to that
place you dreaded hard cold hittin reality. no chick wants a man with thug for life tattooed on his hand or singing bout
wrappin money in rubberbands, we need more men..not thugs who think they big jus cause they bust slugs,
thats lil boyz movements thats not what we need, what we need is a big improvement, on what a man has to offer a woman
not sayin' forever and alwayz baby' and then takin it away from me as if you didnt care for me, forgive me if i come off too strong
its just me and certain "thugs" just seem to get along..seem to agree on a better society for us and for our future kids, we need to build high hopes
instead of dependin on joke..who calls himself a "man" when he cant seem to understand, that no man has done what hes done
which is point a gun at another innocent life, or when his friends turn around he pulls out the knife...nah you aint a man...
youz a Bi*TCH

Etienne
08-06-2008, 06:08 PM
Aside from all the grammatical mistakes I find it completely bad. I think you should read some poetry before trying to make some, if you want some recommendations, just ask.

jgweed
08-06-2008, 09:54 PM
Another example of the baneful influence of the crude school of rap music that glorifies barbarism. It seems to be a long list of cliches, rather than something coming from an authentic self.

InspireMe
08-06-2008, 11:55 PM
at least it has good intentions. she's just asking for an improved society

wilbur lim
08-22-2008, 03:39 AM
Thy post is crude inevitably,I shall not intend to bestow a approbation.

CaptainCrunch41
08-22-2008, 03:23 PM
its a rap song...

so uh, good for a rap song i guess, though it is not going to get good reviews here.