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DooRag
07-31-2008, 12:01 PM
Introduction:

It had always seemed strange to him that people acted as they did, but never strange enough for him to take any time out of his day to delve into the situation too deeply.
This is not to say, however, that he connected with absolutely no one, and, in fact, most who knew him would have pinned him as quite the sociable and likeable fellow. And he was. His friends, although in reality had absolutely no idea who he actually was, were viewed under a more than positive light. They were genuine, funny, and most of all, intelligent.
At this point in the story, some explaining will be in order, however, it must be stated that our friend did not believe that most people were, by any measure, intelligent. On the contrary, he was fairly convinced that aside from perhaps some unthinkably small percent of the human population, people were largely foolish and slow. But what disturbed him the most was what appeared to be an inability, or a lack of desire, to actually understand.
He had always felt this way, but unfortunately had never been able to lend any sort of useable definition to what it was that they didn’t understand, and that he did understand. On several occasions, he had even contemplated his own insanity, believing them to be the one’s who understood, and he the lone, confused soldier who still stands proudly armed years after the war has ended.
But he was not, and he had never even held a gun. All jeers aside, this word, understand, followed him around like an assassin, slowly planning the moment when our friend’s time was up. The assassin’s scope was never far from his temple, and with each person he interacted with, he knew the trigger finger was slowly tightening.

Are we dealing with some metaphysical maniac, here, you may ask? Does this personal truly believe that the essence of an indefinable English word is following him around, ready to snipe and flee? Let us hope not. For if that may be the case, the book to following will be a disturbingly large waste of time, and our new friend a complete and utter dunce. On that note, let us continue.

DickZ
07-31-2008, 12:51 PM
This is an interesting introduction which makes us anxious for the continuation.

However, especially toward the end, you stopped paying attention to your spelling. Hence you show "does this personal" instead of "does this person", and "book to following" instead of "book to follow".

This may be a personal quirk of mine, but I’ve heard others say similar things. You have lots of commas that break up your sentences – maybe too many. It makes for a very choppy read – almost like watching those ski moguls in the Winter Olympics.

And as Aunt Shecky often says, leave a blank line between paragraphs. Your dense block of text is hard on the eyes.

DooRag
07-31-2008, 08:49 PM
Thanks for the feedback. This is just my own way of dealing with my insecurities and worries..haha...I'll be posting more I'm sure.