Blinded by the Sunlight

[Dark Muse]

Blinded By the Sunlight

Warmth pours against my face
tingling throughout my skin
there seems no escape
from rays piercing like a knife
lancing my eyes
fire burning down my back
hot breath on my neck
if only the clouds would come
blinding Apollo's eye
so I may once more take breath
and escape this oppression

[qimissung]

Good imagery!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you

[qimissung]

What would you think about adding a simile or metaphor to the lines 'lancing my eyes' and 'fire burning down my back'? I think it would make a strong poem even stronger.

[Dark Muse]

I have not considered that, but I could give it some thought. I can see where such might add a little something extra

[kgremore]

i like this a lot