the Exile

[Avalive]

the Exile

From one piece of fleshy organ,you tell me from a man
The weight of the soft breasts weakens my heart
May I be a sexless satyr?
You shook your head in your divine gesture
You reviewed the thing between my legs and muttered
Without you,who will I play with my Dominoes?
I laughed and touched your pale poker face
I was the baby fish travelled thro shark's teeth
A droplet of blood glided on Thor's blades
The tragedy in your faking tales
The only stain stuck on your nerves
May I be on my exile?
Remove me from the same old page
I was the little drummer in your choir
The prologue of Koran's preach
The painful tear on the rose of your mercy
A pile of dead flesh under your thighs
You created me for your pleasure
You crowned me for your hypocrisy
You broke my faith, made you my only belief
I cried on the altar,returned all these woman-features
May I be out with nothing you would ever miss about?
I had this one last smile and collected my opened legs
I am taken away by them
How strong they are without your hands on
They are taking me away, far
The legs, I adore you more than my brains
The fort of the purity and the wings of final freedom
The only thing I take with me, away
The only thing that takes me away
To make me a Satyr
Desert a heart to become half of a God

[Dyrwen]

Hmm. Interesting.

Can't say anything popped out at me, but I do like the use of self description during the poem to speed it along a bit.

"You created me for your pleasure
You crowned me for your hypocrisy
You broke my faith, made you my only belief"
The above there was also a really nice image and set of lines. There was a good a/religious mood it seemed throughout the sexual references, that is.

I personally prefer the way the start of the poem was more humorous in a cynical way, with the easier to imagine dialogue happening. Rather than the later on influences from what seemed like longing and obsession.

And, I thought I spotted a few typos, but I'm not one to go pointing em out if they were just stylistic. heh, good stuff though.