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Cappuccino
07-18-2008, 05:29 PM
When do new dreams start to fade?

Wipe away the tears on your face,
While solitude misting the windowpane.
Child, this is not a fair trade.

The innocent, I've been through the muddy trail,
Just to find
My heart lost and my body frail.
And the sun is getting cold and pale.
I don't know
If the heaven knows how to wail.

Sweet, we must get out of this hard loop,
Though it hurts to learn something sad but true.
And I've traded my soul for a delightful look.
But I lost my soul in a melancholy mood.
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I wrote this poem on the train when I saw a teenage girl staring at those people kissing each other goodbye outside the window. Her eyes were full of sadness and stoniness, which sent an exquisitely sensitive ache through my blood stream. Memories flooded in my mind, and I felt myself become on a paper boat, entirely devoured by the sea in the blink of an eye.
I'm looking forward to any comments. Thanks!

PrinceMyshkin
07-18-2008, 08:31 PM
I admire the casual but graceful way you handle the rhyming throughout this. And welcome to the site!

Cappuccino
07-19-2008, 01:00 PM
I admire the casual but graceful way you handle the rhyming throughout this. And welcome to the site!

Thank you, Prince, for your nice comment! I appreciate it very much.

goldenrod
07-19-2008, 01:36 PM
I echo the welcome of the "Prince"
Love to see well executed rhyme, and a well told vignette.

goldenrod.

blazeofglory
07-19-2008, 08:51 PM
When do new dreams start to fade?


And I've traded my soul for a delightful look.
But I lost my soul in a melancholy mood.
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I wrote this poem on the train when I saw a teenage girl staring at those people kissing each other goodbye outside the window. Her eyes were full of sadness and stoniness, which sent an exquisitely sensitive ache through my blood stream. Memories flooded in my mind, and I felt myself become on a paper boat, entirely devoured by the sea in the blink of an eye.
I'm looking forward to any comments. Thanks!

The last two lines are so real and life like.