Foiled Again

[ampoule]

Foiled Again

I was going to kill myself,
just enough to make you sorry,
dramatically running to the bathroom...
Drat!
One of those with two doors,
from the hall and the bedroom,
placing the hook in its eye,
noticing you pressed against the door,
but not very hard,
Your voice with no alarm, but instead,
some namby-pamby, "Stop being so silly."
Quickly I ran to the other door, knowing
You would be racing to get there first,
To throw open the door, to grab me,
to save me, to love me...
But not a footstep, not a breath there,
Only some distant chatter and a laugh
from the kitchen, "Oh, she'll be out soon."

ampoule, July Fourteenth, TwoThousandEight

[Sweets America]

This is painful. I like the way you portrayed indifference in the end, that was so cold.

[goldenrod]

"I was going to kill myself,
just enough to make you sorry,"

The opening line reminded me of a news announcer's report on an multiple car crash I once heard:

" Several people were slightly injured; four critically injured and two seriously dead."

Now I know what she meant!:)

goldenrod.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Please tell me (us) that this is poetic license, the same sort of license with which I could imagine myself doing [ ] & [ ] but never would in reality!

As usual, so deftly presented, such seemingly artless line breaks. As Flaubert once wrote: "A comma, appropriately placed, can kill!"

[ampoule]

Please tell me (us) that this is poetic license, the same sort of license with which I could imagine myself doing [ ] & [ ] but never would in reality!

As usual, so deftly presented, such seemingly artless line breaks. As Flaubert once wrote: "A comma, appropriately placed, can kill!"

Ha ha, I promise to tell you if you promise not to take my license away. It is. Oh, I've been down on the ground, wailing, hanging on to his ankles as he walks away but I would never ever kill myself over a man (or anyone). Geez Louise, maybe the latter would be better. LOL

goldenrod...glad I could be of service! :D

Sweets, you are probably correct. It comes from a dream I had about someone from the past, but as I was writing it, it became more humorous than bitter or pathetic. I'm so glad you like the ending. Can't you just imagine yourself feeling grrrrr! angry and hearing 'him' laugh about it with someone else in the house? :flare: In my dream, that someone was a woman. I would sure like to know who she is. Like me, I think I have detected a little of the spitfire in you or maybe that's just passion. ;)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sweets...Like me, I think I have detected a little of
the spitfire in you or maybe that's just passion. ;)

Lord, yes! I can imagine you two Spitfires blazing across the skies, blasting Messerschmitts and Fokkers (sic) as you go! She'll be in Oregon as of September, just a state or three away from you. WON'T YOU look into getting together?

[firefangled]

This is so many things, sad, a little saucey, some of the sexual desparation in the original Swept Away, and the humor of killing yourself "just enough" to make him sorry...I love it!

What a fool he was to miss suicide make up sex.

Well done, Amp. Excellent and as always so original.

[dibyendra]

Foiled Again

I was going to kill myself,
just enough to make you sorry,
dramatically running to the bathroom...
Drat!
One of those with two doors,
from the hall and the bedroom,
placing the hook in its eye,
noticing you pressed against the door,
but not very hard,
Your voice with no alarm, but instead,
some namby-pamby, "Stop being so silly."
Quickly I ran to the other door, knowing
You would be racing to get there first,
To throw open the door, to grab me,
to save me, to love me...
But not a footstep, not a breath there,
Only some distant chatter and a laugh
from the kitchen, "Oh, she'll be out soon."

ampoule, July Fourteenth, TwoThousandEight

Amp, your poem really carried me away. This poem depicts mixture of desperation, anger, love, and relationship, and which really moved me.



I was going to kill myself,
just enough to make you sorry




Quickly I ran to the other door, knowing
You would be racing to get there first,
To throw open the door, to grab me,
to save me, to love me...


The above lines portray different emotions. Keep up your great work! :thumbs_up

[Pendragon]

Sounds like some of the poetry I wrote when I was in the mental hospital...

Seriously sad, but well written! ;) :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sounds like some of the poetry I wrote when I was in the mental hospital...

Seriously sad, but well written! ;) :)

Yes, but when you were in the mental hospital (not to make light of that) were you lucky enough to have a fellow inmate as saucy (and as SANE) as 'our' Ampoule?

[Sweets America]

Sweets, you are probably correct. It comes from a dream I had about someone from the past, but as I was writing it, it became more humorous than bitter or pathetic. I'm so glad you like the ending. Can't you just imagine yourself feeling grrrrr! angry and hearing 'him' laugh about it with someone else in the house? :flare: In my dream, that someone was a woman. I would sure like to know who she is. Like me, I think I have detected a little of the spitfire in you or maybe that's just passion. ;)

Ahah, the spitfire, yes! ;)
I am indeed angry at the guy laughing with someone else. That's terrible for a desperate attention-seeking person to hear the guy laugh with someone else. I know how it is to seek attention...
The "just enough to make you sorry" tells so much, I think. This is a cry for love. For any kind of love. I understand that you could write it in a humorous way but I cannot help feeling the sadness in it. It's like "I'm going to kill myself, but not really, I'm going to delay it as much as I can, until you come and rescue me", it's like "I want to die so much but in the meantime I cannot do it". Sometimes there is only a little something clinging to us and that's painful. A little hope or something like this.