it seemed to be not blue

[bacchante]

a two years old poem

__you're not mine any more __

you said

__you were

but you are not now__



i sat there
down there
on the first step

i didn't let the receiver drop
|though silent it was still keeping your voiceprints|

lit a cigarette
looked forward
and died

__you're not mine anymore
you were
but you're not now__
your voice's memory penetrated into my death
and made me die again

two times i died that night
two times i didn't resuscitate
two times my death was excruciating
|__you were
but you're not now__
you had said|
two times my death was serene
|__'cause you /you\
you belong to me too__
you had said|

the first death
and the other
in the previous one
death in death
i unbreathed

until The Love lay by my side

caressing tenderly
caressing passionate
seizing so
breathing a blue smoke into my mouth
so blue that it seemed to be not blue
and the words came with it
words scattered in smoke



|__you'renotmineanymore__
yousaid
__youwerebutyourenotnow__|

__i m y o u r s

[firefangled]

I like your experimentation.

[bacchante]

I like your experimentation.

I like your estimation :) thank you!

[Umbilical]

something 'bout the punctuation turns me on...
it's aggressive, like it's ripping at my hair and wants more.
I wonder if your punctuation was beating up the person that left you

?

[bacchante]

something 'bout the punctuation turns me on...
it's aggressive, like it's ripping at my hair and wants more.
I wonder if your punctuation was beating up the person that left you

?

he, actually, didn't. this is a day emotion.

the punctuation comes with words, at once, i don't think it over or design it later. this usually happens when only words are not enough.


as to beating up... i can at least say that it didn't leave him indifferent. whether in a positive or negative way - that i dare not assume.

and - t h a n k y o u!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Much of this reads like a film. It has the immediacy of editting that is remorseless as we cut from one extreme close-up to another!



i didn't let the receiver drop
|though silent it was still keeping your voiceprints|

lit a cigarette
looked forward
and died

cut very deeply.

[bacchante]

Much of this reads like a film. It has the immediacy of editting that is remorseless as we cut from one extreme close-up to another!



cut very deeply.

you gave me the idea of making a short psychedelic film out of this.

[goldenrod]

Generally like anything out of the box, and your poem is no exception from the exceptions!!!

goldenrod.

[blazeofglory]

This [/I] expressly speaks of things we are hard pressed to live by.