Today at the fair

[Sweets America]

Today at the fair, I saw

An empty-pocketted little boy on his tiptoes,
reaching out to sparkling stars, joyfully yelling:
“Mommy! Mommy! I’m gonna buy jewels for you!
Choose, mommy, choose!
I’m gonna buy jewels for you!”

Another kid, examining a plain small glass,
in total wonderment as the old seller’s voice said:
“You like it? Well, I give it to you.”

And a little girl, carefully making braids to her mother,
her tongue slightly pulled out,
both silent in their own tender bubble of a world,
as if painted by some warm-hearted artist.

Eating up my cotton-candy,
I discreetly passed by them and headed back home.

[amanda_isabel]

i liked it, sweets. so real. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the quick, warm-hearted vignettes of the kids BUT

I have a major problem understanding what seems to me to be the arbitrary nature of the ending. "Discreetly" might be read as your wish to NOT intrude on the scene, not interfere with these kids and their self-contained bubbles, but... "head back home" leaves me to wonder: In what frame of mind? Uplifted by what you have seen? Or (bringing in as one should not, my knowledge of your preference for solitude) in the spirit that you do not belong with such happy innocents, you cannot wait to get away from them?

[Sweets America]

I love the quick, warm-hearted vignettes of the kids BUT

I have a major problem understanding what seems to me to be the arbitrary nature of the ending. "Discreetly" might be read as your wish to NOT intrude on the scene, not interfere with these kids and their self-contained bubbles, but... "head back home" leaves me to wonder: In what frame of mind? Uplifted by what you have seen? Or (bringing in as one should not, my knowledge of your preference for solitude) in the spirit that you do not belong with such happy innocents, you cannot wait to get away from them?

Well actually, my ending was meant to be ambiguous! I wanted the reader to wonder about it, because it could really be interpreted both ways. That's just what I wanted, and you fell into the trap! ;)

[firefangled]

I loved this, Sweets. There is the ever so too objective perceptions you share with us. Masterfully done! What gave it away for me were the lines:


both silent in their own tender bubble of a world,
as if painted by some warm-hearted artist.

This teeters on the line between "oh, how adorable" and your opening matter-of-fact line
Today at the fair, I saw


Had you gone a speck one way or the other...even the way you described your cotton candy using the words "eating up my cotton candy" had the tinge of a Fair ritual to be completed and done with.

[ampoule]

Your poem makes me anxious for our county fair and I will just HAVE to have cotton candy...pink. A sweet from Sweets.

[goldenrod]

Just passing through the madding crowd?:):(

goldenrod.

[dibyendra]

Today at the fair, I saw

An empty-pocketted little boy on his tiptoes,
reaching out to sparkling stars, joyfully yelling:
“Mommy! Mommy! I’m gonna buy jewels for you!
Choose, mommy, choose!
I’m gonna buy jewels for you!”

Another kid, examining a plain small glass,
in total wonderment as the old seller’s voice said:
“You like it? Well, I give it to you.”

And a little girl, carefully making braids to her mother,
her tongue slightly pulled out,
both silent in their own tender bubble of a world,
as if painted by some warm-hearted artist.

Eating up my cotton-candy,
I discreetly passed by them and headed back home.

Very sweet poem! The innocent talks of the children are quite lovely.


An empty-pocketted little boy on his tiptoes,
reaching out to sparkling stars, joyfully yelling:
“Mommy! Mommy! I’m gonna buy jewels for you!
Choose, mommy, choose!
I’m gonna buy jewels for you!”


And a little girl, carefully making braids to her mother,
her tongue slightly pulled out,
both silent in their own tender bubble of a world,
as if painted by some warm-hearted artist.

Great! The above lines left me pondering. :thumbs_up

[muhsin]

What an interesting piece, Sweets? Like it!

[Pendragon]

A wonderful snapshot, Sweets! :thumbs_up

[Sweets America]

Thanks a lot, everyone, for your nice comments! :)

[qimissung]

firefangled said it quite well-actually I almost said to you how adorable. In fact you presented the tone very masterfully-that of the insightful observer, eating your treat, and giving one to us too.