Meldoc
07-08-2008, 01:49 AM
I realize that i did not post in the introduction forum but i just wrote this story about 20min ago and i wanted to get some feedback on it. Of course i waiil stay with the site and make an introduction thread, its just 2 in the morning. Anyway here is my story i hope you like it. please review it good or bad. Without bad reviews i would not be able to complete it.
Also it is no completely done yet, I'm still working on it i would just like your opinion so far.
I sit in my room. Staring at my monitor, wondering, thinking, what to do next. What has my life become?.
I live the life of a hermit crab. Only leaving my home for food. Whats there to do in life though? where do I go?
where do i turn to?. It certainly isn't god, if he's really there why does he forsake so many people?. That's not
the story here though. This is the story of how I want my life to be. What i daydream about all day. What
would truly make my life perfect, and it starts at a grocery store.
I've been living in the same town for a few months now. I still don't know very many people. I'm not a social
person, i try to be but it doesn't seem to work, anyway. I was heading to the only place in town open at 2am. A
sobeys. Before i get to into the story let me give you some background information. As i said earlier i just moved
town a few months ago. It's just me and my mom, shes reaching into her fifties soon. She is still a great influence
in my life, and i do whatever i can to help her. Myself I'm 18 years old, six foot two, brown short hair, brown eyes,
overweight, and basically have no friends anymore. We moved to our new house because my mom was sick of the
neighbors and the town. I was fine with it, i had nothing to leave anyway, just to start new in a new town. Things
didn't go as planned though.
I work at a blockbuster, part time, and don't go to school. So let me just put it out there, i know my life
isn't as hard as many other people. Just think about it though, 18, over weight, have only a high school diploma,
working only part time at a blockbuster, and has no friends. So you se why i'd want things to start good in a new
town. I can try and change, i can make friends i can get back into school. Sadly none of that happened. It had
already been 3 months i was still only working part time at blockbuster begging fopr more hours, still trying to
make new friends. Nothing seemed to work.
One night as i was staring at my computer for several hours listening to music. I decided to go to sobeys
and get something to eat. I get up, get dressed, tip toe to the door grabbing my keys, closing the door behind me.
So i don't wake up my mother. I step into my car, put thekey into the ignition hoping and praying that it will start
again, and finally to my luck it did. If only for a minute, before it decided it wanted me to walk. Lucky for me the
sobeys was only around the corner. I start walking, staring at the stars as i walk. Wondering how little dots in
the Sky can be so beautiful, so calming. I finally stop dozing of into my own world and realize I'm in front of the
automatic doors to the store. I walk in and see the one cashier stuck wth the night shift, i just glance and keep
on walking. I get to the frozen foods thinking i just need something that i can pop into the microwave and eat in
few min. I grab some no name pizza pockets and start walking around the store. I find some Lipton green tea and
grab a 1.5 litre bottle and head for the one lane open. I get up close to the conveyor, put my two items on it and
look up. To my surprise I saw a young girl in her very early twenties, and i can't look away. Then she looks at
me and i shoot my stare at the gum beside me. She asks me "so how are you?". I pause, start thinking
"oh my god, what do i say, i can' come of strong I don't know anything about her, I might not even like her".
After a very long pause on my part i finally say "I'm OK, how about you?". Somehow just from that we start talking
just about anything. I still to this day don't know how that conversation happened. All i know is she started to
talk to me like a person, and listening. It made me feel very appreciated.
I finally look at my watch thinking it's only bgeen maybe a half hour of chatter. It was three thirty in the
morning. I had to go home i needed some sleep. So i worked up the courage to at least ask her if she was working
tomorrow night. I see a smile on her beautiful face as she says "every day of the week.". I just look at her and don't
want to look away. Finally i realized i had been standing there a long time again just looking and thinking more
paranoid thoughts. I couldn't help it, I'm a very self contious person i kept thinking "Does she want me to go there
again tomorrow? am i just annoying her and keeping her from Reading? i need to know.". So after standing there
for what felt like forever, i asked her "Would you mind if i came back tomorrow night and we talked again?". I
got the answer i was looking for. At first it seamed like time was going so slow waited for her response, i saw her
lips start to part, "Of course i don't mind, this was nice". She smiles at me and i start to walk away with the
biggest grin on my face.
I started to see her every chance i could get. No matter what the excuse. I just loved spending time with
her, talking to her listening to her. It made me feel bettehr then i had felt in the longest time. I wanted this feeling to
never end, but like in most stories right when the main character feels that way. Everything goes downhill, and in this
story it's not any different. I went to visit Sarah again one night, only to find out shes not there. I just thought she took
time off and forgot to tell me. I go a few weeks later and still shes not there. I start falling into my own depression.
What happened? did i drive her that insane that she quit just to get away from me? did i say something to offend her?.
After that i just started feeling like the worst person on the planet.
I tried to just ignore the nagging voice in my head telling me that i pushed her away. She knows that you like her,
she knows how you really feel, she doesn't want you. My head just keeps making me feel worse and worse about who I
am. I let the nagging go on and just try and ignore it. I got to work ill come home and revert to my hermit crap self, only
leaving my room when absolutely necessary.
My mom knows the type of person i am. I don't like discussing things that make me upset, so she never really
bugged me about being in my room so much. One day she just asked me to go to the store and get hot dog buns. So i get
up get a shower, some clean clothes that are laying on the floor in my room, and head out. I decided to walk, not because
my car was acting up still and i needed it for work, but because it was a gorgeous day. I put some music on my phone
and put my headphones on so i wouldn't ahve tot alk tot eh neightoburs as I walk by. They only want small talk, and it's
always the same. It's as if everyone in the world is programed to know the same small talk, weather, sports, and how your
day is going. I know it's just polite to ask but answering five people in a row is just more annoying than anything.
I get to the sobeys walk in and grab the hot dog buns and some juice. I walk around a little to see if I want anything
else. Nothing grabs my attention, so i head for the eight items or les line. As i see the line it seems like its a never ending
line, I turned and see a register open. I ran for the line right away, and made it to be the second person there. I look at the cashier
and it's Sarah. I start running things in my head again, "is that what happened shes on days now?, she didn't ditch me,
i guess she didn't know she was going to day". I smiled again for the first time in weeks. I get tot eh register and she smiles
again, and i still remembered that beautiful smile even after all that time. She asks me "So where have you been?". That's when
my mind starts drawing a blank again.
Also it is no completely done yet, I'm still working on it i would just like your opinion so far.
I sit in my room. Staring at my monitor, wondering, thinking, what to do next. What has my life become?.
I live the life of a hermit crab. Only leaving my home for food. Whats there to do in life though? where do I go?
where do i turn to?. It certainly isn't god, if he's really there why does he forsake so many people?. That's not
the story here though. This is the story of how I want my life to be. What i daydream about all day. What
would truly make my life perfect, and it starts at a grocery store.
I've been living in the same town for a few months now. I still don't know very many people. I'm not a social
person, i try to be but it doesn't seem to work, anyway. I was heading to the only place in town open at 2am. A
sobeys. Before i get to into the story let me give you some background information. As i said earlier i just moved
town a few months ago. It's just me and my mom, shes reaching into her fifties soon. She is still a great influence
in my life, and i do whatever i can to help her. Myself I'm 18 years old, six foot two, brown short hair, brown eyes,
overweight, and basically have no friends anymore. We moved to our new house because my mom was sick of the
neighbors and the town. I was fine with it, i had nothing to leave anyway, just to start new in a new town. Things
didn't go as planned though.
I work at a blockbuster, part time, and don't go to school. So let me just put it out there, i know my life
isn't as hard as many other people. Just think about it though, 18, over weight, have only a high school diploma,
working only part time at a blockbuster, and has no friends. So you se why i'd want things to start good in a new
town. I can try and change, i can make friends i can get back into school. Sadly none of that happened. It had
already been 3 months i was still only working part time at blockbuster begging fopr more hours, still trying to
make new friends. Nothing seemed to work.
One night as i was staring at my computer for several hours listening to music. I decided to go to sobeys
and get something to eat. I get up, get dressed, tip toe to the door grabbing my keys, closing the door behind me.
So i don't wake up my mother. I step into my car, put thekey into the ignition hoping and praying that it will start
again, and finally to my luck it did. If only for a minute, before it decided it wanted me to walk. Lucky for me the
sobeys was only around the corner. I start walking, staring at the stars as i walk. Wondering how little dots in
the Sky can be so beautiful, so calming. I finally stop dozing of into my own world and realize I'm in front of the
automatic doors to the store. I walk in and see the one cashier stuck wth the night shift, i just glance and keep
on walking. I get to the frozen foods thinking i just need something that i can pop into the microwave and eat in
few min. I grab some no name pizza pockets and start walking around the store. I find some Lipton green tea and
grab a 1.5 litre bottle and head for the one lane open. I get up close to the conveyor, put my two items on it and
look up. To my surprise I saw a young girl in her very early twenties, and i can't look away. Then she looks at
me and i shoot my stare at the gum beside me. She asks me "so how are you?". I pause, start thinking
"oh my god, what do i say, i can' come of strong I don't know anything about her, I might not even like her".
After a very long pause on my part i finally say "I'm OK, how about you?". Somehow just from that we start talking
just about anything. I still to this day don't know how that conversation happened. All i know is she started to
talk to me like a person, and listening. It made me feel very appreciated.
I finally look at my watch thinking it's only bgeen maybe a half hour of chatter. It was three thirty in the
morning. I had to go home i needed some sleep. So i worked up the courage to at least ask her if she was working
tomorrow night. I see a smile on her beautiful face as she says "every day of the week.". I just look at her and don't
want to look away. Finally i realized i had been standing there a long time again just looking and thinking more
paranoid thoughts. I couldn't help it, I'm a very self contious person i kept thinking "Does she want me to go there
again tomorrow? am i just annoying her and keeping her from Reading? i need to know.". So after standing there
for what felt like forever, i asked her "Would you mind if i came back tomorrow night and we talked again?". I
got the answer i was looking for. At first it seamed like time was going so slow waited for her response, i saw her
lips start to part, "Of course i don't mind, this was nice". She smiles at me and i start to walk away with the
biggest grin on my face.
I started to see her every chance i could get. No matter what the excuse. I just loved spending time with
her, talking to her listening to her. It made me feel bettehr then i had felt in the longest time. I wanted this feeling to
never end, but like in most stories right when the main character feels that way. Everything goes downhill, and in this
story it's not any different. I went to visit Sarah again one night, only to find out shes not there. I just thought she took
time off and forgot to tell me. I go a few weeks later and still shes not there. I start falling into my own depression.
What happened? did i drive her that insane that she quit just to get away from me? did i say something to offend her?.
After that i just started feeling like the worst person on the planet.
I tried to just ignore the nagging voice in my head telling me that i pushed her away. She knows that you like her,
she knows how you really feel, she doesn't want you. My head just keeps making me feel worse and worse about who I
am. I let the nagging go on and just try and ignore it. I got to work ill come home and revert to my hermit crap self, only
leaving my room when absolutely necessary.
My mom knows the type of person i am. I don't like discussing things that make me upset, so she never really
bugged me about being in my room so much. One day she just asked me to go to the store and get hot dog buns. So i get
up get a shower, some clean clothes that are laying on the floor in my room, and head out. I decided to walk, not because
my car was acting up still and i needed it for work, but because it was a gorgeous day. I put some music on my phone
and put my headphones on so i wouldn't ahve tot alk tot eh neightoburs as I walk by. They only want small talk, and it's
always the same. It's as if everyone in the world is programed to know the same small talk, weather, sports, and how your
day is going. I know it's just polite to ask but answering five people in a row is just more annoying than anything.
I get to the sobeys walk in and grab the hot dog buns and some juice. I walk around a little to see if I want anything
else. Nothing grabs my attention, so i head for the eight items or les line. As i see the line it seems like its a never ending
line, I turned and see a register open. I ran for the line right away, and made it to be the second person there. I look at the cashier
and it's Sarah. I start running things in my head again, "is that what happened shes on days now?, she didn't ditch me,
i guess she didn't know she was going to day". I smiled again for the first time in weeks. I get tot eh register and she smiles
again, and i still remembered that beautiful smile even after all that time. She asks me "So where have you been?". That's when
my mind starts drawing a blank again.