Importance Being of Greater Significance: Useless Things

[Legend of Kev]

Importance Being of Greater Significance: Useless Things

Promises never kept,
Smiles sunken low,
Talking out loud
Against what should not have lurked and prowled.

What should not exist
Should disappear amongst lost thoughts.
Memories once important
Should cease to persist,
After living their welcome stay.

Worth only few things,
Of any least importance.
(Importance being of greater significance)
In the light of golden happiness
Is what each one seeks.

To vanish forever
would be to find a place
above the clouds and mystery,
For those below the sanguine sun,
That rides a cloud so elegantly.

Hurricane thoughts sweep importance,
Blasting imperfection clear;
Willing an unbroken tear
To fall with so many more,
In the rains of eternal hope.

Promises now kept,
Smiles risen high,
Talking out loud
For what should be seen proud.

Hey people, I'm new to this, but if possible I would like some feedback on my poetry, because I don't think i'm very good at writing them. This is just one, and each one I write, in my personal opinion, seems to get worse.

[goldenrod]

Your poem spoke to me, so you are over the first hurdle...approval of the sweaty masses!:)


goldenrod.

[Legend of Kev]

Ah good, didn't realise it was able to talk :lol: Thanks for your comment!

[Legend of Kev]

Need feedback :( :( :(

[Legend of Kev]

Bumpy bump

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's a wee bit too earnest in my opinion, could use the leaven of a bit of humour or lightness, but the thoughts are indeed interesting. As for whether your poems get better or worse with time, with enough work you might start to get as interested in the craft as in the content. Ideally of course the craft IS part of the content.

[Legend of Kev]

It's crap isn't it lol... Please be honest. One question though... Why would I use humour when it is meant to be a poem about depression and sadness?

The end is happy! All of the imperfection is blown away and perfection is left.

[Legend of Kev]

Bumpidy Bump

[firefangled]

There are some fine thoughts here. Never say your poetry is crap! It doesn't serve you going forward. There is no perfection in this world. Everything is in a state of becoming, everything.

Yes, Goldenrod is correct, you just need to get past the sweaty masses. :D

Its tough when you start learning to write poetry. It helps to read a lot of it. How many ways there are to write it. It's what is so good about this site.

There are some fine examples here. Prince had an excellent point. Craft comes from reading and practicing.

[Legend of Kev]

I won't be able to write any better than this :(

[goldenrod]

You are wrong! There might not be anything that can reach 100% perfection, but there is such a thing as being 100% wrong!

How do you know what you can achieve. Some of my stuff almost sinks without a trace, while others have been given welcome and a few (trying to be modest here):)...published!

I wont go into how and why I started writing, but I found I enjoy doing it, and that should be good enough...march to your own drummer!


goldenrod.

[jikan myshkin]

being able to write is overratted

[Pendragon]

As long as people are willing to read what you wrote and if you can touch a single person, writing is never wasted! I like it! for what a comment is worth! :thumbs_up :)

[AuntShecky]

Your piece could use some concrete images -- things that the reader can see, hear, touch, smell. Read a vast number of poems from various centuries to get an idea of what poetry is. Also, check this out, if you have time:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35382&highlight=things+wanted+poetry

[Legend of Kev]

As long as people are willing to read what you wrote and if you can touch a single person, writing is never wasted! I like it! for what a comment is worth! :thumbs_up :)

Comments are worth a lot! It's what keep some people writing. :) thanks.

[Legend of Kev]

Your piece could use some concrete images -- things that the reader can see, hear, touch, smell. Read a vast number of poems from various centuries to get an idea of what poetry is. Also, check this out, if you have time:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35382&highlight=things+wanted+poetry

I've studied poetry for two years now, along with other things. Not all poems have to use sensual imagary, that's just one literary technique amongst many others that could be used. To be honest it's not really a poem that is meant to touch people, it's meant to explain something, those who feel that way understand it I hope.

[blazeofglory]

This is beautiful in a way every poem is. You need pruning and poetry should be implicit, and the idea expressively embedded. Keep trying you will evolve.

[jikan myshkin]

I've studied poetry for two years now, along with other things. Not all poems have to use sensual imagary, that's just one literary technique amongst many others that could be used. To be honest it's not really a poem that is meant to touch people, it's meant to explain something, those who feel that way understand it I hope.

studying poetry is a sure way to write bad poetry. forget all you've learnt and develop your own style

[Legend of Kev]

studying poetry is a sure way to write bad poetry. forget all you've learnt and develop your own style

Hmmmm, thanks for the advice... In a way I agree with you.

[qimissung]

You use language very creatively. I really enjoyed your poem a lot, even though I didn't know what it was about (nothing new there, I often need a helping hand in THAT regard!). Do not attempt to correct that; however I do agree with AuntShecky. In fact my favorite line is "For those below the sanguine sun, that rides a cloud so elegantly"-what an image.

If you like writing, may I suggest you go the games sub-forum site of personal poetry, spend some time writing some of those cinquains and haikus. Make sure you include a simile, a metaphor, personification, some kind of imagery every time. Within a month you will see an improvement in your writing.

Beyond that, have fun with it, enjoy it. In the end, that's what it's all about. And don't fret-the talent is there, my friend. Good luck! :)

[Legend of Kev]

Yeah thanks for this, i've been working on another poem with some improvements, hopefully it will be better.