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Dyrwen
12-22-2004, 06:20 AM
I was going to post something I've been more proud of, but there's no fun in that. So here's a recent one I wrote while walking around outside comparing the blackened trees to the big concrete buildings around them. Basically just a nature v. man/machine concept of buildings never matching up but still imitating nature in hopes of achieving great things. Any critique would be appreciated.

Trees of Integrity

In every new building-
we idolize the trees
as they reach to the skies so effortlessly.

We attach lights and windows through machines
to allude to size all around,
but meanwhile the brances grow alone
dwarfing their surroundings like elder giants without a sound.

Silouettes like monoliths, towering in evergreen blush
speak more than concrete could've lit.
Bark four generations thick survive without a glitch
as your steel girders rust
and the rain wears down each floor's trust.

Rounded in pillars through semicircled archways
you imitate life, and mediocre at best
with shallow blocks of stone that match up haphazardly
to the spindles of spires that reach skyward eternally.

The reflections cast off their internal glow
spread more lies of imitation forever worse
leaving the mechanization of architecture inside their art
and the true integrity of time
distorted by hollow facades
that nature has cursed.

amuse
01-15-2005, 01:28 PM
i really like this. this is my fave part:

Rounded in pillars through semicircled archways
you imitate life, and mediocre at best
with shallow blocks of stone that match up haphazardly
to the spindles of spires that reach skyward eternally.

mono
01-16-2005, 07:30 PM
Very well written, Dyrwen. Your word usage proceeds straight-to-the-point, clarifying your theme strongly; I also love the Aristotlean/Emersonian/Kantian idea that art, including architecture, imitates nature, but will never compare in beauty, nor originality.
Some of your references seem quite general; a few of the places you use the word 'we,' I think a new word, further specifying who or what (such as 'too many,' or 'created art') could keep the reader intrigued with your admirable point.
Good luck!

subterranean
01-16-2005, 11:21 PM
I assume the trees are the the high rise buildings.