Yesterday, when I loved you

[kelby_lake]

Yesterday, when I loved you
At least I guessed I did
Waiting for a train that never came
Hearing a call when you didn't call my name

Hoping you'd learn
That you might realise I felt that
Yours was the song my heart sung
If only you loved me when I was young

Yesterday, when I loved you
I did my monolgue for the class and you passed me
Did you pause and stare?
Did you know I looked, or did you even care?

Yesterday was when I loved you
And that yesterday passed
Yesterday was 20 years ago
So why is my heart still yours though?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yesterday, when I loved you
At least I guessed I did
Waiting for a train that never came
Hearing a call when you didn't call my name

Hoping you'd learn
That you might realise I felt that
Yours was the song my heart sung
If only you loved me when I was young

Yesterday, when I loved you
I did my monolgue for the class and you passed me
Did you pause and stare?
Did you know I looked, or did you even care?

Yesterday was when I loved you
And that yesterday passed
Yesterday was 20 years ago
So why is my heart still yours though?

That first line, anticipated by the title, could have been the entire rueful poem. an echo of Francois Villon's immortal "Ou sont les neiges d'antan" or Proust's A la Recherche... and the rest of the poem marvelously, unforcedly sustains it although I hope you will forgo coupletting the last two lines by dropping that awkward ungrammatical "though". Yes,you want to maintain the pattern of ending each verse with a rhyming couple but if you can't find another rhyme for "ago" then be brave enough to abandon the pattern.

[goldenrod]

Would agree with the "Prince".

Could change it slightly to rhyme. One example is below, or, as suggested, change the pattern?

Anyway, I think your theme is too good to abandon!

"But that yesterday has passed
Yesterday was 20 years ago
So why is my heart yours, until the last?"


goldenrod.

[PrinceMyshkin]

"Love" is the verb
in which the present comes most fully alive,
but add a "d" to the end of it
and we're reminded of damnation
or death

[kelby_lake]

very nice! :)