Dropzon

[Penguin0123]

Hey I am extremely new so yah here is a sci-fi action about a war :alien:
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"2 minutes!" sarge yelled I could feel the fear around me us new recruits had no idea what was going to happen to us in a one man drop pod crashing at speeds 0f 100mph on a heavily defended planet Nearby I saw Cougar, and Corey "hey corey" "yah Mitch" "I have a bad feeling about this' "yah me-" his sentence was cut short as sarge yelled "go,go,go!!!!" and are pods were shot out at 100mph into the cold resecces of space I was scared lights flashed around me I heard sarge's voice"okay recruits let me fill you in' he paused for 3 seconds "command thinks there is a massive amount of Lizards down here so we are ordered to kill as many as we can now this is a desert planet expect to be under heavy Lizard resistance!" I shivered at the thought of the lizards In 2745 we made contact with a reptilian war mongering race who loved bloodshed they killed and killed na dturned planets into smoldering wastlelands or lush jungles filled with feral beast "Mitch!' "yah Corey" I commed back "sarge says we are hittin dirt in 10 secon-" I couldn't hear him we crashed

[Page Sniffer]

Very cool passage Penguin0123, reminds me of the movie Starship Troopers (1997). Great energy and imagery. I really like the play with timing too when they crash. The "smoldering wasteland" imagery I could be dreadful of but "lush jungles filled with feral beasts" I'm not sure is very ominous or scarry. Thanks for posting your story. Good luck and keep writing!

[Penguin0123]

actually page sniffer this is a mixture of straship troopers na halo I read he book of starship troopers thank you for the compliment
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"I repeat I repeat Lizards are everywhere we can't hold off without orbital support" it was an hour after the crash the lizards found us and now we were being jumped hard I took out my m432 gauss rifle and blasted away i saw Corey priming a frag grenade "fire in the hole!!!!" Blam! a whole section of leapers was gone "they're to many!!1" stow it trooper!!!" sarge said as he blasted away with his magnum and SMG "okay men command just said we'll be expierencing some heavy shockwave in about 1o minutes so hold on to your face!" 10 minutes wouldn't be enough I blasted away and ripped a Lizards head of as 100 metal bullets shrdded through him my blood sang with the joy of violence that's when I remembered the 10 minutes my mission timer read 5 seconds "oh no..." then the hockwave hit

[Page Sniffer]

Penguin ~ Thanks for responding to my comments. When I read, I see things as if they were in a scene. Scene to scene to scene like a screen play or a staged play. This was very visual for me.

Just a friendly thought slung out to ya, double check yourself as a safeguard so your don't copy someone else's copywritten material too closely. Not saying you are or have, but just a friendly word of caution.

They are really down on that in college too.

Peace & great luck to you Penguin!

Save me an autograph:D

[Penguin0123]

page sniffer you are vey kind I usually am made fun of for my writing and are you serious about and autograph? and if you are I'll make one lol

[Captain_Kuchiki]

This reminds me of Starship Troopers too, the sarge character says funny and accurate army-leader lines. I like sci-fi stories and action, so this fits the bill. Only problem is lack of periods. Don't forget those little dots at the end of sencences.:D

[Penguin0123]

Hey sorry about the wait but here it is and I hope you enjoy
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The shockwave hit and when it did it tore a 7 mile deep hole in the planet revealling a whole entire lizard spawning hive that was 3 hours ago now we are in a area of the planet known as chapel Landing a small town near the oasis of heavens fruit we've noticed that the whole town was empty of people no signs of life but plenty of death

"Mitch!" sarge was screaming profanity at me "get the living **** away from that bomb when we blow this god forsaken ****hole I want you to be alive and comopletley intact" "sir yes sir!" "MItch" "yah COrey" "the lizards have encamped outside of the villiage I wonder why?" "yah me tooo" "maybe their afraid of us" Cougar said bitterly as he unloaded and reloade his shotgun "yah but m aybe there is something in here that-" Boom! "God****** I never get to finish my ****ing sentences" "stow it Corey" said cougar as we all ran to the nearest building Boom!!!!!!! "WHat the **** is that.." "in fronmt of me and my 3 man team was a creature unlike a lizard unlike anything it simply reared up on it's massive legs and attacked with it's HUGE axe