That lies in thy mind

[SuicideKitten]

just a few poems of my own, i'd like to hear you're opinions and critic.
This is just how i think and feel much of the time , the underlying of what would seem to be human.


Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:34 pm Post subject:

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Sally sold to slaughter
mental state of honor
pride be gone
stare of wrong
the thorns prick be poisonous

Hate and malice gave her
mind of bent and danger
good is gone
dark is won
sell your soul for victory

Last the name of sinner
play the streets a winner
roses die
families cry
hide the tears behind a mask

Nice and sweet she showed them
bowed to them and molded them
whispers cool
intentions cruel
spiders trap is laid for all

Shouts and calls of murder
sent her world a sunder
try she might
the blight of fight
roses red be fallen

Now she haunts and croons him
cries to him and sooths him
avenging hurt
bearing hate
karma shows it's mirror

Ghost of she divine
tells her story in rhythm
how he came
up to blame
a requiem of lost souls

----
As I meet them
do I part
pushed away
and torn apart
I want a home
a place i'm loved
but all i have is place of hurt
I am alone
There's no one left
all thats here
tears and dispair

But are they the ones that push me
or am I the one to run away
I can't fight the nightmares
that haunt my dreams
I can't hide the fear
that seeps through me

There's nothing left
I'm all alone
the friends I have
all have their homes
no I'm not needed
nor will i ever be
It's what tears me apart
so why do i stay?
_________________


perhaps i'll post more later, i'm really not sure at this point.

[jessw]

i like that poem

[SuicideKitten]

thank you very much, i'll get some more posted as soon as i have more time.
oh and feel free to critic, i'm always looking to better my writing.

[SuicideKitten]

I tried to say I'm sorry
that I bore my sins on you
I tried to say I love you
that i never meant the cool
I never meant to lie
the evils that I faced
I never meant to fall
to my own disgrace
But as I lay here now
lucid thoughts to break
I realize how I blundered
to bring an end to game

I never was alive
I hope you realize this
I never was comprised
or meant to feel such bliss
inside my own corpse shell
the pain was only ally
against the swarm of feeling
infecting my own site

So I say I'm sorry
for breaking you apart
so I say I'm sorry
because my selfish heart
never meant to drag one down
corrupt one to my hate
never meant to touch you
for fear that you would break

My knowledge was my ignorance
a fatal blow to start
my bleeding heart a curse
that led me to the dirt
make amends to love you dear
I never thought I would
common sense alone dear
forget me as you should.

[SuicideKitten]

Lady ours divine of sorrow
cast away thy selfish doubts
golden morn' and shining 'morrow
illuminate thee lover tragic
hope enlighten your walls of shade
the mask of stone discarded so
look to the world and this you see
'tis a new day and a new rebirth
though guilty are not yet proven innocent
nigh' but still remain proving wrong
Pheonix pride and ever splender
at last life is regained anew
----


i am the slave and i am the master
bow to your whims, bring this disaster
demand my own punishment, in your arms
this is so much more
this pain, so much richer
than you nigh' considered

sanities sake, make me alive
gentle moans and whispered cries
we'll take our turns
i'll be alive
show me how it feels
this pain is so real

pull on your heartstrings
abuse becomes pleasure
locked in the game
seeking pressure
ease my mind time after time
my addiction soothed
my fatal muse

only this balance
remedies my sickness
only this torture
makes me feel whole again
this is so real
i can never heal

you are my enemy
my savior and saint
only my blood you ever taint
you are my death
execution salvation
only a touch, give me redemption

only you can bend me so far
spread my own wings
and tear them apart
back to the start
it never ends
darkness is love
insanity sane

i need your chaos
your innocence wicked
i need your shelter, my addiction
my final and last chance at heaven
stay with me
and that's all i need
----

Forgive me
it echoes as i mumble in pain
Receive me
my heart breaks with every breath i take
the darkness enclosing i embrace with closed eyes

A lullaby sinister whispered in ears
falling i crawl with every step taken
with stone so cold in a world so old
withered and crumbled, this castle of hate

Forgive me
it echoes as i mumble in pain
Receive me
my heart breaks with every breath i take
the darkness enclosing i embrace with closed eyes

the light forbidden
i releif with a sigh
my sanctuary hidden from the wandering eye
i'll watch and i'll wait
and i'll see what you keep
while i sit and you try
and yet can't see a thing

So forgive me
as i see and watch your cold lies
and receive me
when i ignore them
and embrace them through nigh'

[SuicideKitten]

lol am i that bad not to get comments?

[Spite]

You got one, and 9 pages of Comments at BB, and i always shower you in them... mind you dont listen but i still say them.

[SuicideKitten]

i listen, i like, i just don't agree lol

[Spite]

Uh huh....

[SuicideKitten]

yeah............

[OceanSoul]

Very emotional..
I like them. Cant really think of any criticisim..sorry!

[SuicideKitten]

lol thank you very much,
and thank you spite...yeah i am grateful for the encouragement you give.

[SuicideKitten]

cut my throat and watch you bleed
suicide mercenary come to plee
revolution my homocide
convulution my social cry
transmutation to the raven killer
civil disobedience my sullen filler
swallow a pill so bitterly sweet
the bedside leper so purely dies
not such sanctitude now only spite
rip my veins and carry my site
heartbled miracles twist to death
as heart stabbed comicals laugh the rest
be still these thoughts
no ignorance feast
the seventh committment to thine deceased
dethrone , disgrace my wit laced charm
cringe and despair at my mutilated arm
lest commit to my duty
the sad burdened strife
rejoice to the drowning
of my cold simple life
enfold engross in tapestries of time
guilt laden concience be felt in nigh'
make the seraphim die
let his wings be revoked
let her soul be devoured
the demon provoked
stitch not the wound
that is ever broken
for flesh divine is ever spoken
let the pain spill over in torrents vermilion
let the agony cease in common denotion
best i prove wrong
than to ever prove right
expect unexpected or soon love blight


i know this ones a bit awry, and still needs a lot of work, but i thought i'd just post it for kicks.

[mono]

My knowledge was my ignorance
a fatal blow to start
my bleeding heart a curse
that led me to the dirt
make amends to love you dear
I never thought I would
common sense alone dear
forget me as you should.

I finally found the time to read through and attempt critiquing some of your work; I apologize for taking so much time.
Though I would, by no means, consider myself an expert in poetry writing nor editing, but I feel you have a lot to say, and that you have much confidence in your words, which rhetorically incorporates much power (a good thing!). The stanza I quoted, I feel, in my opinion, seemed your most powerful. All of your work has a unique expression and beauty, but I think that when you write abstractly, with simile or metaphor, that creates the most expression. You have demonstrated using symbolism very well, and I would recommend using more - flaunt that talent!
The only complaint I have comes from your poetry that rhymes; for classical styles as such, I recommend maintaining consistency with your rhymes, and choosing your words carefully to ensure a precise rhyme (with a few exceptions, now and then, as we all do). Also remember that, in rhyming poetry, one thought does not have a restriction to one line; it can continue to multiple lines, and still maintain rhyme and rhythm.
Otherwise, I think you have quite a talent for writing poetry, and I look forward to reading more material. Good luck!

[jessw]

well suicide i like your poems mind you ,you and i have like the same path of poems just all mine are in my book and im no wheres near them so when i do get to them ill be sure to post :D

[Spite]

I finally found the time to read through and attempt critiquing some of your work; I apologize for taking so much time.
Though I would, by no means, consider myself an expert in poetry writing nor editing, but I feel you have a lot to say, and that you have much confidence in your words, which rhetorically incorporates much power (a good thing!). The stanza I quoted, I feel, in my opinion, seemed your most powerful. All of your work has a unique expression and beauty, but I think that when you write abstractly, with simile or metaphor, that creates the most expression. You have demonstrated using symbolism very well, and I would recommend using more - flaunt that talent!
The only complaint I have comes from your poetry that rhymes; for classical styles as such, I recommend maintaining consistency with your rhymes, and choosing your words carefully to ensure a precise rhyme (with a few exceptions, now and then, as we all do). Also remember that, in rhyming poetry, one thought does not have a restriction to one line; it can continue to multiple lines, and still maintain rhyme and rhythm.
Otherwise, I think you have quite a talent for writing poetry, and I look forward to reading more material. Good luck!



LOOK!!!! YOU'RE GOOD I TOLD YOU SO!

[SuicideKitten]

oh wow, thank you very much for all of that, i will indeed take it to heart.

[SuicideKitten]

twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
not a creature was stirring
not even the mouse
for the poison was coursing
and numbing their veins
from the sensational dinner
that was laced with pain

an hour before, afront the holiday tree
sat the happy family, a family of three
writhing in agony
for naught did they know
of aboy and his toys
unwrapped from the sink

Of acids and poisons he slipped in their food
knowingly bringing his families own doom
for the family of three , once a family of four
was killed by their baby, who crept through the door
so angered, tormented and filled with hate
that he dealt them a card to end their fate

Now the three that was four is now down to one
just o'le little timmy and his bag of fun
christmas is past, now over and done
and the story of timmy has just begun.
----

Another word
Another sigh
yet again my heart dies
cracked to bits
left shards of glass
wondering how it could happen again

My blood is flowing
my chest aching
the pain is fresh
for the tasting
I saw your lie
but did not act
I heard your words
but didn't fall back

Why my friend?
I've known so long
the thick betrayal in your eyes
the love of past
has all but died
You lied to me
and now I cry

My wrist hurts so
my mind wrought in memories
of the sinful days
and your promised praise
I'm down and out
i'm faded and worn
Let me rest now
It's time to go...
----

Burn me
Feel me
Kiss me
Kill me
An endless torture
A lovely death
Pain by pleasure
And death by bliss
Heat and chill
Ice and smolder
The entaglement
To leave you breathless
Not a rival
But all the more torment
Not a friend but more than kind
Drive me crazy
And rip my soul
Not my lover
But i love you still
An endless conquest
Left to wonder
Burn me
Feel me
Kiss me
Kill me





Angel fallen
Angel lost
Heart is broken
Soul is cost
Dire consequence
Dark is site
Blind you walk
Lost path of light
Spite you fill
A heart of hate
Words of sadness
And tears of pain
I try to comfort
But only madness
Dim he fades
Falls to gray
Angel fallen
Angel lost
heart be broken
soul is cost
_________________