story I wrote last night. critics please :)

[PhoenixFire]

"Just Drive"

"The trouble is we don't know where we are," she said from the front passengers seat.

"I know where I'm going," he answered as he flicked the windshield wipers on.

"Maybe we should stop, Stan. Its coming down pretty hard." Stan could hear the other, unspoken suggestion in her words.

"I ain't stopping to ask directions, Sammie. I told you I know where I'm going."
Sammie looked away from him and turned her gaze to the foggy window at her right. The rain was coming down in big, hard droplets that clanked on the car's roof. Sammie used her sleeve to wipe the fog from the window.

"I haven't seen a sign for miles now," Sammie said as she looked out into the rain streaked darkness.

"Well you must not be lookin' hard enough. See? Up there on the right?" Stan pointed his finger to a blur of green coming into view. As they drew nearer Sammie saw that it was an exit sign. It came and went.

"What are you doing, Stan?"

"I told you I know where I'm going. And I don't need no directions from some know it all gas station employee."

"That exit had a Wendy's, Stan"

"Well you should have said you were hungry."

"I did. About two hours back that way." Sammie gestured to the back of the car. "I don't know how you can see anything in this rain."

"Sometimes you just gotta close your eyes and feel your way through." He closed his eyes, Sammie smacked his arm, and they both broke into a fit of laughter.

A little while later, after they had passed another three exits, Sammie looked at Stan and said, "You really don't have any idea where we're going do you?"

"I remember saying I did, but now that I think about it I don't even know why I got into the driver's seat in the first place."

For once, Sammie seemed content with the answer. She leaned back in her chair, turned the radio up, and enjoyed the ride.

[Beautifull]

hmmm..it's interesting...
one thing i learned not to do is repeat the name over and over again...
like when you said,"Sammie looked away from him and turned her gaze to the foggy window at her right. The rain was coming down in big, hard droplets that clanked on the car's roof. Sammie used her sleeve to wipe the fog from the window."

you could've said 'sammie' and then 'she'.
it is an interesting story though...and that's only my opinion of what should be done

[PhoenixFire]

Thanks. yeah lol i did that a couple times.

[Page Sniffer]

This reads like something Kerouac might have left out of On The Road. Are they high? I'm not picking at it, but curious as to why they broke out into a fit of laughter after she smacked his arm. Other than just driving with his eyes closed to tease her. Sorry if I missed something.

I think it's great that your story has them engaged in dialogue throughout the passage instead of all backstory or authors intrusion. It put me right into the car like I was in the back seat listening to them. I think the cat-and-mouse sorta interaction is believable too. So I'm riding in the back seat and really hoping he doesn't crash the car in the rain. I hope we have enough gas too.

I know they're just cruising around basically, but you might want to consider adding a scent or a smell in there somewhere.

Also, and this is not a slam or anything, but I'm not really feeling a "dramatic hook" -- why do we even care that they are riding the car, passing food exits (I know she's hungry) but with no apparent place to go, or reason for it, as far as the driver is concerned? I have driven just to drive before, I imagine most of us have that can drive. Or is there more to follow with the hook? Just some thoughts.

Hey, tell them to pull over, I gotta go...

[Captain_Kuchiki]

This story isn't bad. The descriptions of the rain and obscure outside world give a good image and feel to being lost in a car. This story could almost be a scene from a dream, where you're doing something but never stop. Nice.