Missing Him

[CrazyZorro]

Missing Him

I sit and watch tv
Trying to get him off my mind
But in each face all I can see is him

I blare my music really loud
Trying to get him off my mind
With each song and voice all I can hear is him

I go eat dinner with my family
Trying to get him off my mind
I wonder with each bite what is going on with him

I close my eyes to go to sleep
Trying to get him off my mind
In the blackness all I can see is him

He is my every thought


Please tell me what you think, I wrote this awhile ago about my first crush and just found it.

[CrazyZorro]

This poem may seem morbid but I was really hurt when I wrote it. Please tell me what you think.

Hurting

She takes the knife from its home
The blade is sharp and cold
Will it hurt or will it comfort

She places it slowly to her wrist
Trickles of blood slowly come out
Is he worth this or should she just forget

Each wrist is fully damaged
There's no going back now
She waited for him, but he could not do the same for her
She now resides in heaven

She sits on her little cloud
Looking down on us all
She sees him alone filled with sorrow

He loved her more than anything
She realizes that now
If she could only float back down
Her heaven wouldn't be hell

[CrazyZorro]

Tell me what you think please.

Unnoticed

Standing in the corners
She wonders if he sees

Sitting with her lunch
She wonders if he knows

He is her only
He is her one
She loves him more than anyone


Walking through the halls
He thinks she's staring at him

Going through the lunch line
He hopes she's thinking of him

She is his only
She is his one
He loves her more than anyone

Two people ment for eachother
To shy to confess

They live their lives forever
Missing all the best

She marries another man
Beaten to her death

He marries another woman
Shot right in the chest

[Anza]

Awww! So sweet. I was like that withmy first crush. I drove myself insane (for three years heh-heh)

depressing and amazing at once...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Missing Him

I sit and watch tv
Trying to get him off my mind
But in each face all I can see is him

I blare my music really loud
Trying to get him off my mind
With each song and voice all I can hear is him

I go eat dinner with my family
Trying to get him off my mind
I wonder with each bite what is going on with him

I close my eyes to go to sleep
Trying to get him off my mind
In the blackness all I can see is him

He is my every thought


Please tell me what you think, I wrote this awhile ago about my first crush and just found it.


I like this very much but would leave out the last line which is superfluous, and the line just before it is more evocative, leaves us with an image rather than an assertion. "Show, don't tell" is the most common cliche in criticism, but it applies here.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Tell me what you think please.

Unnoticed

Standing in the corners
She wonders if he sees

Sitting with her lunch
She wonders if he knows

He is her only
He is her one
She loves him more than anyone


Walking through the halls
He thinks she's staring at him

Going through the lunch line
He hopes she's thinking of him

She is his only
She is his one
He loves her more than anyone

Two people ment for eachother
To shy to confess

They live their lives forever
Missing all the best

She marries another man
Beaten to her death

He marries another woman
Shot right in the chest

There's a lovely innocence to this but I suggest you delete the last three couplets. They're just too melodramatic & cover too much ground too skimpily. And they're kind of corny.

[blazeofglory]

Missing Him

I sit and watch tv
Trying to get him off my mind
But in each face all I can see is him

I blare my music really loud
Trying to get him off my mind
With each song and voice all I can hear is him

I go eat dinner with my family
Trying to get him off my mind
I wonder with each bite what is going on with him

I close my eyes to go to sleep
Trying to get him off my mind
In the blackness all I can see is him

He is my every thought


Please tell me what you think, I wrote this awhile ago about my first crush and just found it.

Love is your life and that is why you can not do away with it. Beautiful lines.

[Beautifull]

Tell me what you think please.

Unnoticed

Standing in the corners
She wonders if he sees

Sitting with her lunch
She wonders if he knows

He is her only
He is her one
She loves him more than anyone


Walking through the halls
He thinks she's staring at him

Going through the lunch line
He hopes she's thinking of him

She is his only
She is his one
He loves her more than anyone

Two people ment for eachother
To shy to confess

They live their lives forever
Missing all the best

She marries another man
Beaten to her death

He marries another woman
Shot right in the chest

wow...tragedy....i just hope it happens to me...
you are very talented...
just keep writing so i can keep reading...

does she meet him in heaven?

[Beautifull]

This poem may seem morbid but I was really hurt when I wrote it. Please tell me what you think.

Hurting

She takes the knife from its home
The blade is sharp and cold
Will it hurt or will it comfort

She places it slowly to her wrist
Trickles of blood slowly come out
Is he worth this or should she just forget

Each wrist is fully damaged
There's no going back now
She waited for him, but he could not do the same for her
She now resides in heaven

She sits on her little cloud
Looking down on us all
She sees him alone filled with sorrow

He loved her more than anything
She realizes that now
If she could only float back down
Her heaven wouldn't be hell


this got me right in the heart...
i've never read anything so heartfelt...
i love love love it...
thank you for sharing a little bit of you heart with us...

[Trystan]

This poem may seem morbid but I was really hurt when I wrote it. Please tell me what you think.

Hurting

She takes the knife from its home
The blade is sharp and cold
Will it hurt or will it comfort

She places it slowly to her wrist
Trickles of blood slowly come out
Is he worth this or should she just forget

Each wrist is fully damaged
There's no going back now
She waited for him, but he could not do the same for her
She now resides in heaven

She sits on her little cloud
Looking down on us all
She sees him alone filled with sorrow

He loved her more than anything
She realizes that now
If she could only float back down
Her heaven wouldn't be hell

I thought that they were all good, but I especially liked this one as I can relate to it somewhat. Thanks for posting these.

[phoebelll25]

Missing Him

I sit and watch tv
Trying to get him off my mind
But in each face all I can see is him

I blare my music really loud
Trying to get him off my mind
With each song and voice all I can hear is him

I go eat dinner with my family
Trying to get him off my mind
I wonder with each bite what is going on with him

I close my eyes to go to sleep
Trying to get him off my mind
In the blackness all I can see is him

He is my every thought


Please tell me what you think, I wrote this awhile ago about my first crush and just found it.

a cute poem indeed. I love it and I am now trying to forget a boy as well and hate that I still like him, so this poem seems dear to me.HAHA In one word, I love your poem.