split.

[Umbilical]

I don't expect this to be enjoyed or liked. I'm posting it because it was something that I needed to get off of my chest. And I also need it to be evidenced.

ALSO, I WANT TO WARN:
MATURE CONTENT AHEAD!

----



your split in that slit
your split is that slit
your split is your fear of your slit
your slit is your split on either side of it
on either side you're split
you've abdicated both monogamous parts
counterparts of each side
two halves
your split is what I separate
to find your true self
what you do to cry and laugh
part the red seas
and menstruate yourself
through fears of pulling it apart
to apart,
to breathe through the wrong hole
split
one part young, the other old
one growing, one dwarfed
and marginalized to the left side of the
split inside of yourself
magnified
miscegenations
splitting down the self
my split is my love
my slit is the expression of
my split is the fear of your/myself
your slit is where I'
ll find it both
ONE
one love,
your split is my slit
and my slit is my split
we're splitting around
apart
coming together,
as two converse
attached
counter-attacked
recriminated,
parts
counterparts
count-her-parts
splitting the facts for normative theory
the law is centered on the predominant patriarchy
its own logical system
and my extrinsic
gaping wound of a split
that didn't reconnect itself
through wound healing,
a process that requires a split from the past
and a slit that wont be touched
until I leave it alone.

my split is your slit
you'll slit your wrists still you'll bleed your
shi.t
and slit the facts, cut in half,
quarter the past,
past the dust,
hit the dust,
hit your mother,
split on her face,
you'll wound her up then be bothered
you'll cover her up
embellish her flesh in your hands
that can't stay in one split
one place,
my place,
take me home,
my play,
your split---
personality,
as you developed and individuated
from me...
castrated the line that is
umbilical thought
from the forefront of
ambiguity
your womb as my tomb,
to capture me
and return me
to vestibules I climb through
holes with parched spirits
and lonely
young splits,
growing away from their mothers,
to slit into adulthood,
cut the umbilical cord,
in accordance with the laws of
rip-rare-rend,
tear cleavage into my dreams
apartheid site,
split black and white,
I split to the side,
but move up up and down
vertical
I turn around to be on top
my mind is
SPLIT
I don't want to slit
what I can't do
but long to be free of
by kissing your face
and splitting your lips with my
serpent tongue
and child-like
facade
free
and roaming
cadence of precaution
meandering around the same spot
about
circuitous maps
of a body
that's split into flying
colors
of condensed
coherent
a
system
of body
parts
split in my eyes as beautiful
art
absurdist.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Enormous energy in this. The cadences, the poured out breath of it make me think it would be a wonderful performance poem. Have you thought of reciting it to an audience?

[Umbilical]

Yeah, I read it out loud to myself, and I'm sad because the reading 'problem' has limited my reference list of words (my resources) so I feel that it's constrained because if I had a greater list of words on my tongue to use it could be much much better.
BUT at the same time it's pure as it is, and that's as much a part of me as the force that created the poem.
I'm sad about nothing because everything is beautiful... lol.

I will read it out loud to my friend on the phone because I know she'll laugh, especially coming out of my pure mouth, and to her dirty ears... LOL.

--- split slit.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yeah, I read it out loud to myself, and I'm sad because the reading 'problem' has limited my reference list of words (my resources) so I feel that it's constrained because if I had a greater list of words on my tongue to use it could be much much better.
BUT at the same time it's pure as it is, and that's as much a part of me as the force that created the poem.
I'm sad about nothing because everything is beautiful... lol.

Spoken like a true mystic, but I don't think you mean it entirely as a joke. (But then I take NOTHING purely as a joke.)


I will read it out loud to my friend on the phone because I know she'll laugh, especially coming out of my pure mouth, and to her dirty ears... LOL.

--- split slit.
Stop already with the "dirty ears / pure mouth" &c.! If I may quote myself:


...even the Lord's Prayer, the Shema Yisrael, or any prayer you might care to name, can constitute an act of grossness if pronounced in the wrong spirit or at the wrong time. When you consider that millions of Jews and hundreds of thousands of Gypsies, homosexuals, Catholics and misfits were put to death like so many pieces of unclaimed mail, by a society that worshipped nobility of thought and was nothing if not refined and tactful, perhaps it is better to avoid anything that smacks of gentility or comeliness of phrase or thought. Certainly it must be better to speak in the foulest and most blasphemous way while practicing courtesy, kindness, justice and tact, than to parse philosophy while laying about the world with black-suited armies..

[Umbilical]

Thank you, you are truly wonderful.

I will read this response 5 times and then go to bed with it.

Just to make sure that you're correct, and we're correct together... Hope you don't mind.

Ps: I agree.

Pps: what about what I said was a joke? Plz clarify. :)

Thanks!

You quote yourself very well, I'll quote you quoting yourself one day. Good quote/job!!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you, you are truly wonderful.

You know what they say about "the eyes of the beholder..."



I will read this response 5 times and then go to bed with it.

Just to make sure that you're correct, and we're correct together... Hope you don't mind.

After these remarks there's very little I would mind, 'cept maybe if you wore socks with your sandals, and I'd even reconsider that!





Ps: I agree.

Pps: what about what I said was a joke? Plz clarify. :)

Actually, I misread it, as if it were a paradox, i.e., That there was a condition or circumstance called nothing and that you were sad about it! But I understand better now that you mean you are NOT sad about anything!



Thanks!

You quote yourself very well, I'll quote you quoting yourself one day. Good quote/job!!

Oh, marvellous! And may I quote you quoting me quoting myself?

[Umbilical]

when I'm retired,
and you're in your grave. I'll dig u up

I'm almost jealous of your daily near-death experience,
but I don't empathize,
because I wouldn't want to be in your shoes with socks.

sux but hey!

[PrinceMyshkin]

when I'm retired,
and you're in your grave. I'll dig u up

You planning to retire real soon? 'Cause I'm planning to stick around for a while.


I'm almost jealous of your daily near-death experience,

Hunh?

[Umbilical]

I'm only retired because I HAVEN'T YET STARTED.

Aren't you kind of close to death? is what I meant by the second statement you highlighted.


Bye!

[AuntShecky]

Positive points: yes, there is an effusion of energy in this, but having it work as a poem requires some tinkering. Repetition of lines and phrases can be effective, and there is a little of it in your piece, but the voice really isn't sustained.
Since "free" verse doesn't have meter and rhyme, it uses other devices (rhethorical devices, such as alliteration, anaphora, etc) and imagery. This piece could be much improved with more "concrete" images that the reader can see, hear, touch, smell. The more specific and less abstract the work is, the more effective and resonant.
Also, more imagery would help the piece "show" rather than tell. This piece, alas, does much "telling," or "ranting."
The main thing a good piece of free verse has going for it is effective line breaks. There are far too many one-word "lines" in this. It appears to me to be prose broken up into random arrangements on the page. Combine, condense, compress.

And finally, most important of all -- please, please, please do not ever bandy about the word "retarded." It is extremely offensive and hurtful.

[Umbilical]

Thanks for your honest advice,
and you're right about the use of the word 'retarded'... I'll take it away.
I had no idea that it was free verse... It just is what it is (that's how it came out).

Thanks =)