kelby_lake
05-08-2008, 01:54 PM
Please read this first scene, critique, and suggest name? Thanks.?
The play is set in a busy restaurant but staged so the other customers are invisible to the audience so that the audience can focus on the play. A man is sitting on a table (table 1) at the front of the stage, looking at a photograph of a woman. Another man enters with his wife and sits at a table (table 6) near the back. A woman then enters with her husband and sits at a table a few tables along from the man and his wife (table 9). The two couples and the man have never met each other before. A waiter pours the lone man some coffee
Waiter: That enough sir?
Man on Table 1: (hold up hand to indicate he doesn't want any more poured) Yes, thank you.
Waiter: Enjoy your drink (waiter leaves to clean the other tables)
Man on Table 6: (to his wife in a loud voice) YOU READY TO ORDER NOW, BARBARA?
(waiter comes over and man on table 1 smiles)
Man on Table 6: I'll have the meat bolognese and her (points to Barbara) wants a green salad. (waiter takes order and leaves)
Man on Table 6: (to audience) A green salad? She always orders that; what colour salad does she expect will turn up. Purple?
(sighs) And I always order the bolognese. That's what it's been like for 18 years- we've been married 18 years, can you believe it? Neither can I.
I've wasted my life- look at me. 45 looking 75 and nothing to show for those 45 years except two bratty children.
Having children ruined her looks- she's had 16 years to get rid of that pregnancy fat and she still hasn't. (turns to wife) What about Mrs Jones? She's having it off with...? At least someone is...(to wife) No, nothing darling... (back to audience) See, I have to put up with that.
Waiter: (to his wife)You're looking beautiful today Madam. (leaves to go to Table 1)
Man on Table 6: No, Barbara, he's not flirting with you. That's what waiters do. (listens to wife)No I know he's not flirting with that man at table 1. (looks at man) What's he looking at...a photograph. Of a woman, a very nice one from what I can see. Or at least one who isn't a baby machine. I'm not sure Barbara ever used to look like that.
(Man on Table 1 signals to waiter)
Man on Table 1: Another coffee, please. Black, with sugar.
(waiter takes order and leaves)
Man on Table 6: He's waiting for her I bet. Look at the way he looks at her, she's not his wife. She's his lover and...she's going to meet him. Here. And he doesn't drink alcohol because people would assume things.
She's a bit younger than him, I'll say- he must be my age. Maybe I should... no, that would be crazy...so what? Maybe I should have an affair- these days no one stays faithful for 2 minutes, let alone 18 years.
But how? How does one find a lover?
Waiter: Phone the local *****house
Man on Table 6: What?! (to wife) What did the waiter just say?! Would you like dessert now?, oh...
(to audience) Fine, I'm crazy. What women half my age do i know...Polly in Accounting! She's always had a thing for me, bringing me my coffee...what 21st century woman would bring a man coffee?!
The play is set in a busy restaurant but staged so the other customers are invisible to the audience so that the audience can focus on the play. A man is sitting on a table (table 1) at the front of the stage, looking at a photograph of a woman. Another man enters with his wife and sits at a table (table 6) near the back. A woman then enters with her husband and sits at a table a few tables along from the man and his wife (table 9). The two couples and the man have never met each other before. A waiter pours the lone man some coffee
Waiter: That enough sir?
Man on Table 1: (hold up hand to indicate he doesn't want any more poured) Yes, thank you.
Waiter: Enjoy your drink (waiter leaves to clean the other tables)
Man on Table 6: (to his wife in a loud voice) YOU READY TO ORDER NOW, BARBARA?
(waiter comes over and man on table 1 smiles)
Man on Table 6: I'll have the meat bolognese and her (points to Barbara) wants a green salad. (waiter takes order and leaves)
Man on Table 6: (to audience) A green salad? She always orders that; what colour salad does she expect will turn up. Purple?
(sighs) And I always order the bolognese. That's what it's been like for 18 years- we've been married 18 years, can you believe it? Neither can I.
I've wasted my life- look at me. 45 looking 75 and nothing to show for those 45 years except two bratty children.
Having children ruined her looks- she's had 16 years to get rid of that pregnancy fat and she still hasn't. (turns to wife) What about Mrs Jones? She's having it off with...? At least someone is...(to wife) No, nothing darling... (back to audience) See, I have to put up with that.
Waiter: (to his wife)You're looking beautiful today Madam. (leaves to go to Table 1)
Man on Table 6: No, Barbara, he's not flirting with you. That's what waiters do. (listens to wife)No I know he's not flirting with that man at table 1. (looks at man) What's he looking at...a photograph. Of a woman, a very nice one from what I can see. Or at least one who isn't a baby machine. I'm not sure Barbara ever used to look like that.
(Man on Table 1 signals to waiter)
Man on Table 1: Another coffee, please. Black, with sugar.
(waiter takes order and leaves)
Man on Table 6: He's waiting for her I bet. Look at the way he looks at her, she's not his wife. She's his lover and...she's going to meet him. Here. And he doesn't drink alcohol because people would assume things.
She's a bit younger than him, I'll say- he must be my age. Maybe I should... no, that would be crazy...so what? Maybe I should have an affair- these days no one stays faithful for 2 minutes, let alone 18 years.
But how? How does one find a lover?
Waiter: Phone the local *****house
Man on Table 6: What?! (to wife) What did the waiter just say?! Would you like dessert now?, oh...
(to audience) Fine, I'm crazy. What women half my age do i know...Polly in Accounting! She's always had a thing for me, bringing me my coffee...what 21st century woman would bring a man coffee?!