DickZ
05-08-2008, 11:42 AM
Well, if there are folks out there who still don’t have a television set, I’m pretty sure that life is just passing them by. I just don’t understand how anyone could survive without one. It’s imperative that these people get a television set, and soon, because there are so many wonderful commercials coming out these days. Here's just a brief taste of what those people without TV are missing, and there are lots more where these three came from:
1. A woman hides a Taco Bell chalupa containing bacon in her purse when she goes to a singles bar on the premise that this will help her attract a better class of guys, and her girlfriend laughs at the stupidity of such a plan. But much to the girlfriend's surprise and chagrin, nice-looking men flock to the lady with the bacon. The bacon lady gets her pick of all the really cool guys in the bar, since apparently one’s coolness is directly correlated with one’s love of bacon, while the girlfriend without the bacon gets stuck with all the dregs in the place. Guys who keep Kosher need not apply for coolness, I guess.
2. A husband tells his wife that he has to visit a buddy who is sorely in need of venting, and the wife instantly approves this mercy mission. When the husband arrives at his buddy's home, they laugh about the new vent holes in the tops of their Coors Lite beer cans that allow them to guzzle their beer at much faster rates than those crummy beer cans the competitors put out. None of the competitors’ beer cans have vents, and so people drinking from these just have to live with a very reduced drinking rate compared to what they could get if they were clever enough to drink Coors Lite.
3. A two-year old child talks to the television camera, explaining in an adult’s voice how he does much better on e-trade than those investors who mistakenly place their faith in actual stockbrokers. For every single dollar that those guys earn by sticking with conventional old-fashioned methods, this child on e-trade makes six dollars because e-trade attracts more intelligent buyers just like him. In fact, the e-traders make so much money from these investments that they don’t even know what to do with it all.
1. A woman hides a Taco Bell chalupa containing bacon in her purse when she goes to a singles bar on the premise that this will help her attract a better class of guys, and her girlfriend laughs at the stupidity of such a plan. But much to the girlfriend's surprise and chagrin, nice-looking men flock to the lady with the bacon. The bacon lady gets her pick of all the really cool guys in the bar, since apparently one’s coolness is directly correlated with one’s love of bacon, while the girlfriend without the bacon gets stuck with all the dregs in the place. Guys who keep Kosher need not apply for coolness, I guess.
2. A husband tells his wife that he has to visit a buddy who is sorely in need of venting, and the wife instantly approves this mercy mission. When the husband arrives at his buddy's home, they laugh about the new vent holes in the tops of their Coors Lite beer cans that allow them to guzzle their beer at much faster rates than those crummy beer cans the competitors put out. None of the competitors’ beer cans have vents, and so people drinking from these just have to live with a very reduced drinking rate compared to what they could get if they were clever enough to drink Coors Lite.
3. A two-year old child talks to the television camera, explaining in an adult’s voice how he does much better on e-trade than those investors who mistakenly place their faith in actual stockbrokers. For every single dollar that those guys earn by sticking with conventional old-fashioned methods, this child on e-trade makes six dollars because e-trade attracts more intelligent buyers just like him. In fact, the e-traders make so much money from these investments that they don’t even know what to do with it all.