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kelby_lake
05-06-2008, 03:59 PM
Ever since those bookshelves fell and crushed my stepfather, I've loved books.

I never liked him, not really. He was a 'scholar', an epicurist of literature, and always flaunted the fact that he'd read War and Peace, 5 times, once in Russian. It seemed to be his only real claim to fame but nevertheless it entranced our neighbours and they held him up as a god.

At that time, I never really liked books. I didn't loathe them as such, more of a cruel indifference. School didn't know what to do with me: 'The girl doesn't read!'. My stepfather was famous amongst the teachers; he came into parents evening all dressed up in a suit and started having conversations with my English teacher about Shakespeare and my philosophy teacher about existentialism and my geography teacher about globalisation. They made me their pet then, even though they'd previously ignored me. They still try now to eke out some hidden brilliance. Maybe one day I'll let them find something- as it currently stands, I'll stay quite silent, feign ignorance.

I give you now the brilliant thing that led to the destruction of my stepfather. The bookcase crushing him was really only an amusing ironic formality; it was the alcoholism that led him there.

He'd taken to accompanying his Dostoevsky with a large bottle of red wine. My mother ignored it, after all 'wine is not an alchoholic's alcohol'. They thought that all scholars took wine in moderation to mean guzzling bottles of red. I don't know why he did it; I did ask him once though:
'Sustanance- to keep me living until the pale hands of death shall grab me and drag me with her'
He meant his previous wife. Apparantly she was an alcoholic as well and he threw all her bottles out of the window and she jumped out after them. A guess, though it's probably true.

Anyway, one day, he asks me to bring him some wine whilst he goes into our library and reads a nice bit of Dickens. I told him it was a bad idea but he insisted. Dickens was on the top shelf, after Dante and before Dostoevsky and my stepfather was relatively short. He stood on the stepladder but he was very drunk and toppled. He grabbed at the shelf but then of course it fell on top of him.

So you see, the whole thing really was a learning curve for me and everyone else. Mother and I never touched alcohol again and the teachers stopped using my stepfather as an example of academic brilliance.

And someday, I'll be that example.

AuntShecky
05-07-2008, 12:29 PM
Some suggestions if I may. First, there are some grammatical and spelling errors to fix. Make sure your pronouns have antecedents and that they agree in number.
Don't switch verb tenses; choose either past or present tense, and stick to it. For example, "Anyway, one day he asks me. . ." change "asks" to "asked."

Rethink some of your word choices. For instance, "globalisation" has more to do with economics than with geography.

Sweep all the clichés out of your sentences, such as "real claim to fame."


Jettison the extraneous material that does not contribute much to the story. For instance, the reference to the previous wife comes from out of nowhere. Also the line about the alcohol sounds a little too much like the "cold dead hands" line by the late Charlton Heston. By the way, why is that the ONLY line of dialogue in the story. Dialogue, when employed effectively, can make your story come alive.

And in order to breathe some life into this piece, "show" don't tell. For instance, the bookcase accident which opens the story could be presented as it happens rather than merely related.

kelby_lake
05-07-2008, 12:59 PM
thanks for comments. i'm intending to add a bit more dialogue but the cliche is used in a sneery teenage unimpressed way. Did you like it apart from this?

hhc
03-10-2009, 03:29 AM
Forgive me for being absolutely naive, but... Is this story true?

If not... forget about what I asked... It's brilliant writing and the plot is just AWESOME!!!! As a passionate irony lover, I tell you, the bookcase that fell on your stepfather gave me the chills!

If it actually is true... I'm jealous of you, because your life started off as an actual book...

Delta40
03-10-2009, 03:34 AM
I like this story. I mix up past and present all the time so it doesn't bother me so much. I hope he was wearing his worn tweed jacket when he toppled.....Well done!

a_little_wisp
03-10-2009, 03:36 AM
Now I can't stop grinning at the title, even though I'm trying to hard to suppress it due to how grim the story was - grim and brilliant! You painted such a vivid picture, told so much in such a short story, in such a short amount of space! I wish I could do that - I get chided at for being long-winded. Very well done, Ms. Kelby! (AuntShecky's good stuff though, so take her advice.)

kelby_lake
03-14-2009, 02:59 PM
Don't worry- it's not true!

prendrelemick
03-14-2009, 06:49 PM
Probably the best opening line on the site!

beroq
03-15-2009, 05:45 AM
The irony of death and love going together is successfully crafted in the story. I liked it despite that the switch between tenses grates my ears a little bit as it looks unneccessary.