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Dimturiel
04-18-2008, 01:23 PM
Summons during a summer storm

Come, drown me with water from darkening skies,
And blind me with lightning so bright,
Embrace me with clouds as grey as your eyes
And quench my desires tonight.

Come, give me your hand as the summer rain falls-
Blessed lifedrops that come from above.
Entwined we will be as the loud thunder rolls-
As strong and as cruel as our love.

Say nothing of warmth, talk not of the sun-
Our passion would melt in its light-
Yet here in the cold rain we stand now as one,
As reckless, as free as the night.

Let us sing for our ardour, let us laugh, let us die
Slain by passion too deep and too strong,
Let us dance-you and I-under darkening sky,
With the lightning so cruel for our song.

PrinceMyshkin
04-18-2008, 03:45 PM
Deft use of meter and rhyme but I think it goes on one verse too long.

firefangled
04-18-2008, 11:53 PM
I agree with Prince, you do not need the last verse; it merely repeats in different words what you have already expressed and the third verse is such a perfect end.