Hi, I'd like a genuine critique please! Not too rough though!

[Runner]

Scars

Sometimes I feel uninvited.
The high ascending shriek of my silence
Penetrates, rendering local molecules and minds sterile,
Words wither, unresponsive to tight passivity.

Until, propelled and gasping, I go outside.

Endlessly above,
Isolated pilots swing their craft on high,
Glinting wings, slicing,
Screaming in the bliss filled, rushing air,
Behind them trails luminously crosstiched,
Beautifully dissolving
Sky scars.

Inside, the silence roots, entrenches, spreads.
Formless words abort, hissing lipless next to the invite
I've ripped up and dropped
Crumpled and pointless, onto the floor.


Sunlit

Nimbus exquisite,
exquisitely, incredibly,
Poised,
Held on an impossible pinhead
Softly turning,
Become a million open mouths drinking light,
Inhalling blushed golden, quivering notes,
Quick traceries arc, leap inside the flesh of chest and arms
as they evaporate and rise.

[chasestalling]

I'll spare you the superlatives and hyperboles which are on the tip of my tongue. Welcome if I may presume to speak for the rest of us.

[caelycate]

i loved it. some bits were simply brilliant such as:

Endlessly above,
Isolated pilots swing their craft on high,
Glinting wings, slicing,
Screaming in the bliss filled, rushing air,
Behind them trails luminously crosstiched,
Beautifully dissolving
Sky scars.


however, a few lines seemed a bit forced. for example....

Penetrates, rendering local molecules and minds sterile,

although, it could just be that that language is just not my style, and others may love it.
i'm no expert, just another amateur poet, but in general, i really loved it.

[chasestalling]

As I said all I have are hyperboles and superlatives but if I were cornered and forced to put on my critic's hat I might say something like: "Don't repeat yourself which isn't to say that 'Scars' is redundant; in fact its perfect, sheer verbal virtuosity, but it won't do to stop here and let one's art atrophy; evolve and advance...advance and evolve..."

Good luck.