Dark

[EmilysLife]

I look in the mirror and I see
what I don’t want others to see,
Whiter, Fatter, and Uglier

I turn myself against me
and convince myself
I’ll never look good again,and
I become my own worst enemy

According to what I see, I act as if that’s what I am
Someone white, fat, ugly, slow, unlikable, and lazy.

I become someone else, Emily’s darkest secret

A daily struggle to fit in
my own mind.
I walk with shame and guilt.
Everyone see’s it.

My biggest fear to be the darkest secret
Emily my own worst enemy

[caelycate]

sadly, i can definitely commiserate with every word. very brave of you to write it all down in the first place, coming to terms with those icky feelings, and even braver of you to share it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

But, dear Emily, none of us
is dark enough or light enough
or thin enough or good-looking,
intelligent, kind, loving
or deserving enough!

Suffice it that you are now
and are determined to go on being
honest with yourself - although self-depreciation
is not necessarily honesty but sometimes
it is the ugly cousin of narcissism.