Night Watch

[Pendragon]

Night Watch

When last the Night took her walk across the moor,
holding up her Gypsy shirt so it should not wet in the mire,
I sighed as I watched her from my small cottage door.

The Night is a gentle maiden, quite demure,
though wild and free is her spangled attire.
When last the Night took her walk across the moor,

I sent up a prayer to her; “My Lady, I implore.
Take me with you to your dark kingdom! Tis my desire!”
I sighed as I watched her from my small cottage door.

Perhaps she would also reject me, for I am but poor,
and fate has been unkind; to the gods I am but a penitent friar…
When last the Night took her walk across the moor,

I thought she paused just a moment, but I can never be sure,
and starry eyes crowned by the moon turned as if to enquire…
I sighed as I watched her from my small cottage door,

until she faded from my sight, and I saw her no more—
Rebirth brings a new maiden for me to admire…
When last the Night took her walk across the moor,
I sighed as I watched her from my small cottage door…

Pendragon
4/13/08

[Virgil]

Pen I found this very captivating. The tone and rhythm is wonderful and original. It fits thevillianelle form perfectly. Only one spot I felt the rhythm was off, here: "Perhaps she would also reject me". Not sure if it's just my ear but that didn't seem to go. Perhaps others might want to comment on that line. Thoroughly enjoyed this.

[Pendragon]

Pen I found this very captivating. The tone and rhythm is wonderful and original. It fits thevillianelle form perfectly. Only one spot I felt the rhythm was off, here: "Perhaps she would also reject me". Not sure if it's just my ear but that didn't seem to go. Perhaps others might want to comment on that line. Thoroughly enjoyed this.
Wow! Virgil I don't often get such high praise from you. I appreciate your kindness.

I don't know, I'm not catching the rhythm break, but then I'm trying to pass a kidney stone so maybe that's it. We'll see what others say... :)

[Drummergal42]

I thought that was very good, I really liked the metaphor for the night as a person. Also I did not hear a break in "Perhaps she would also reject me", I thought the rhythm was at it's best here, and it was perfect for the idea of the poem.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I marvel at how deftly you continue to manage this demanding form. You won't be offended, I hope, if I try my hand on it one of these days (especially not if I fall flat n my face).

[Pendragon]

I marvel at how deftly you continue to manage this demanding form. You won't be offended, I hope, if I try my hand on it one of these days (especially not if I fall flat n my face).Thank you very much. High praise from a master of his own art form! I most definately would not be offended! I would love to see you put your unique style to one of these poems! :)

[Pendragon]

I thought that was very good, I really liked the metaphor for the night as a person. Also I did not hear a break in "Perhaps she would also reject me", I thought the rhythm was at it's best here, and it was perfect for the idea of the poem.Thank you, my friend. As I said, I wasn't catching any break there, but Virgil is a very noted poem critic, so perhaps others would agree with him. I will just wait and see what people say!

I trust his ear over mine right now! :)

[asilef73]

what a pleasure this was to read! thanks so much for sharing it.

[Pendragon]

what a pleasure this was to read! thanks so much for sharing it.Thank you! Sorry I was slow getting back, I spent last night in the hospital. :(

[asilef73]

Thank you! Sorry I was slow getting back, I spent last night in the hospital. :(

!!!!! i'm so sorry to hear that! i hope you feel better soon! :)

[firefangled]

This one was one of the best, Pen. The language was perfect, the subject matter seemed to gove birt to the syntax and vocabulary.

Just excellent!!

[Pendragon]

!!!!! i'm so sorry to hear that! i hope you feel better soon! :)I really appreciate the well wishes. Thank you, I am more like my old self, thank the Lord Jesus. But it was touchy! :)

[Pendragon]

This one was one of the best, Pen. The language was perfect, the subject matter seemed to gove birt to the syntax and vocabulary.

Just excellent!!Thanks, Fire. I appreciate your comments. Language, well, I have trouble with being wordy. I am glad you feel this one was concise! :thumbs_up

[ampoule]

Well, Pen, if passing a kidney stone birthed this poem instead.....wowee, zowee. I love the gypsy, night, moor thing. So mysterioso. But no, I do not wish more pain for you, but I love this poem. When she paused and turned to enquire my breath caught in my throat. Oooo, I liked it!

p.s. I've passed a few kidney stones. It's the closest thing to feeling what labor pains are like, but instead of a darling bouncing baby all I got was this teeny tiny ugly piece of grit that you can't feed or tickle or anything.

Oh...p.s.s. Should it be skirt instead of shirt???