Am I your thoughts?

[kelby_lake]

You're far away and exploring countries new
Could you not time your heart so it beats for me too?
And while you're searching for yourself
Might you also search for me?
And the desert sands are rough I know
As I wipe off the dust from our photograph
And should you die in that foreign country
If you were lost in that land at the point of dehydration
Across those seas and sands I'd roam
I'd be your oasis and guide you home

[gettingtoknowme]

I like the concept and the imagery, and it starts and ends strong. The middle needs a little work. the begining has a nice flow and rythem, and as a reader, I expected the flow to continue, but it didn't. The middle became choppy. I think in such a short poem, the style should be the same throughout. Either have no rythemic flow, or do. It doesn't work with both.

Other then that I thought it was good. I really did like those first three or four lines. they really caught my attention.

[kelby_lake]

Thanks- the first few lines rushed to me but the rest i had to think harder for.

[Wigan_Lad]

You're far away and exploring countries new
Could you not time your heart so it beats for me too?
And while you're searching for yourself
Might you also search for me?
And the desert sands are rough I know
As I wipe off the dust from our photograph
And should you die in that foreign country
If you were lost in that land at the point of dehydration
Across those seas and sands I'd roam
I'd be your oasis and guide you home

That`s beautiful, because it evokes real emotion and doesn`t try too hard to be clever and over complicated.

Simple, beautiful and real.