PDA

View Full Version : hopes facade



lucidnightmares
04-01-2008, 09:06 PM
hope, there never was so fruitless a tree
as this life that haunts with destiny

try to belief, to try withstand
only to falter just as planned

so go ahead and blame your god
but don`t you find your resentment odd?

can god ruin a life? or i man to blame
can we blame another to cover our shame?

and everyday we lose to hope, lost within our own twisted dreams
lost our compassion, watched faces writhe, listened intently to shallow screams.

ShadowFire
04-02-2008, 04:59 PM
As always lucidnightmares well done. I love the last stanza the best but I am also liking the first line "there never was so fruitless a tree". The last stanza is interesting and I feel it on a personal note. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

Pendragon
04-03-2008, 12:30 PM
Let me see here, lucid: your title is "Hope's Facade" correct?

That would make the first line: hope...

May I suggest you join that to your line: there never was so fruitless a tree with an em dash like so:
hope—there never was so fruitless a tree
to keep your lines all one length? I love the poem, that's the only change I would make and it's an artistic thing more or less, take with a granule of sodium chloride, to put it poeticly! ;)

NathanKP
04-03-2008, 12:37 PM
Very dark poem, but well written.

forcedtobe
04-03-2008, 02:37 PM
i am with ShadowFire there,
i really like the last stanza
but i like the second stanza too, they both just seem to scream what i think and feel
i like your poem, thanks for posting :)

lucidnightmares
04-03-2008, 02:56 PM
in all honesty i never thought this would be reviewed at all.
I am very grateful you guys took the time to read and comment.
As for Pendragon, i agree, as i read over it. replacing one word would actually make the poem more fluent.
thanks alot everyone.
hopefully i`ll take my next poem in another direction

:D