Objectivist
04-01-2008, 01:26 PM
* And another journal entry turned essay, alot of what I write is strictly based on personal observation
November 02, 2007
Being Comfortable
The other day I believe I had an epiphany. I haven’t had time to fully refine and gather all my thoughts regarding this, but I need to write about it before I lose the feeling this thought gives me. I remember the basis of this idea being something like: 'everything in life is dictated by how comfortable we are as humans'. Anyways, after having this thought, I was able to find relevance to it in relation to everything I've been through in life. I've always done what I'm comfortable with mentally. Even if, while in that comfort, I'm physically uncomfortable; while doing that which is comfortable to me in that particular moment is completely contradictory to what I was comfortable with in the past. I believe I've come to a very important and controversial philosophy in relation to every aspect of humanity, and perhaps upon realizing the true potential behind this thought I can begin to make sense of some of the 'negativity' I've experienced in this existence.
I guess I should start with how this applies to the lives of children that are still growing (Roughly from the ages of 0-20). What is it that children consider mentally comfortable? This goes back to an earlier entry I made on individuality regarding my opinion that, during that stage of life, everything we consider to be 'reality' during that time is usually the product of a third party's influence, aside from what is indisputably tangible. So, in that sense, that would mean our comfort during that time would also be second-hand. When I think of all of this now and look back on my own life during that time-frame, I do remember being comfortable, but I also remember something accompanying that mental comfort deep in my conscience. This thing, as subtle as it was, could only be self-defined at the time as a negative feeling. I think that deep in the core of my conscience that I knew that this comfort was false, "something" within me was telling me so. What was it though (this...something), was it just doubt, in-security, a head cold, was it God, or was it just an immature part of my consciousness that, like an infant, could only cry and hope that I hear it and remedy the problem it was trying to convey to me? I believe if I continue to pursue this issue I'll be able to define this "something" eventually. I do have a hypotheses right now though, of which I will state in this entry.
For now though, I'll continue with how I can see relevance in relating this idea to a more mature person (Roughly between the ages of 21-35). I believe when we are between the ages of 21 and 35 that we are in the process of refining ourselves and the things about life we have learned. To personalize this entry, I will only speak of myself and my own experiences. I think back now to the point of my transition from collectivist to objectivist/egoist and remember a brief time-frame when nothing felt comfortable. I was just angry after I had realized the amount of time, effort, and sacrifice I put towards my attempts at putting other's comfort before my own. I was even angrier when I began to externalized the objectivist mentality and finally began to find truth in all of my surroundings, and realize how potent and ugly the 'poison' of collectivism can be. I eventually calmed down and felt a level of mental comfort that was much different than I remembered it being. I guess that its because it was genuine, and the only kind of mental comfort that I could be truly comfortable with; I consider that comfort to be unique, because I don't believe anyone could have told me how to attain it aside from myself and God. This kind of comfort was special, not because it was complex and difficult to attain, in fact it's special for the completely opposite reason, its simple. And in it's simplicity, it is the most powerful and most emotionally moving experience I have ever experienced and may ever experience. And, now that I've analyzed this 'comfort', I can't find anything negative about it, no matter how hard I try; the "something" was still there but was now one with my comfort and not giving me that negative feeling I remembered from my past. This 'comfort' is only positive, and I never have doubts in it; I can't see this comfort wavering in the future. I believe that this is the comfort of living in the truth; knowing the truth and not attempting to mask or sugar-coat it.
When living in a life surrounded by lies, I chose to lie to myself in an attempt to become one with that 'reality'. No matter how proficient I became at telling myself I was comfortable when I wasn't, that "something" was always telling me the truth. But, like I said earlier, I believe that "something" in my subconscious to have been immature in my youth. I believe that, with my personal will-power, I was able to subdue that "something" as I grew older until I received the right 'nudge' to make me stop. This is when the time-frame of discomfort that I was writing about earlier arises. Afterwards, I stopped trying to subdue that "something" and just let it be. I believe, right now, the closest I can come to defining this "something" is by calling it the source of my true self. Maybe I'm going too far by saying this, but I don't care anymore, in my experience I believe that there is only a small percentage of people that come to understand what I have at such a young age (I'm 24, I'll be 25 in January '08). This is because the "comfort" that you get from a third party can be so powerful that if one doesn’t receive that "nudge" before a certain age, that "something" will be destroyed and will be unable to convey the truth when one needs it the most, and if an older person (36 and up) realizes this they probably won't care at that point and continue to lie to themselves to the bitter end. This is because after completing our refinement and finding absolute security in our lives (the ages of 21-35 I spoke of earlier), it is very difficult, but not impossible, after that for us to accept an idea that threatens what we have already found security in. So, now my questions lie in why this something exists in the first place? I don't think its special or something astronomical, again, I think its quite simple. We, as humans are designed with this "something" in the beginning, and it can only be produced at birth, and the only requirement for it to exists is for us to exist. (Break Nov 2 2007 1500L Resumed Nov 3 2007 0925L) So, if this is true, it means that it was designed for us to feel this way even when some of us don't accept it. If this is true, at what point did humanity start destroying this something that makes us feel truly happy and comfortable in the pursuit of false happiness and comfort? Why did humanity come to the conclusion to do so in the first place? Why is it that humanity feels discomfort in the truth in the first place? These questions are beyond the limitations of my being at the moment, but I will live my life in pursuit of the answers until the very end.
Time for more hypothetical thoughts and opinions regarding this now. The only reason I find this idea to be somewhat 'special' is, again, because it's difficult to find many people in this day and age who follow such ideas. It's even more of a rarity that two different people who follow such ideas become acquainted with one another. I also personally consider being able to think this way, in spite of the powerful "intangible" opposition to thinking "outside of the box", as a blessing from God. Yes, to be able to think so open mindedly after being raised to think in a "knee-jerk", "locked-step", close-minded manner, has to be nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps not, perhaps the free will, independent mentality and the "something" I speak of is simply another component in the design that makes up what a human being is. When I think along these lines, I remember my history of growing up in relation to what I was taught in church. I remember being told things like "God fills that 'emptiness' in our souls" and "When your truly on fire for the Lord, you don't even have to say anything about it, people will just know that there’s something 'different' and 'special' about you". I think of these things and realize a certain level of truth in those words. I can find some relevance to these sayings in my life. Now that I've been an objectivist/egoist for the past four years, I've noticed a recurring comment that I get from people I converse with. People say things to me like "your weird" or "there’s something about you that I cant put my finger on" or "your special/unique/smart/Different". This is why I say that this "something" is a God sent, and also why I believe so strongly that the greatest problem in religious institutions is the human being. I can remember all the 'empty' people who devoted their entire lives to religion (30,40,50,60 years), preached of fulfillment, and never were able to satisfy their own souls because the desire for that fulfillment was put in the hands of another human being. I truly believe now that God has provided humanity with everything we need to be happy and comfortable, it's been designed into the fabric that makes us who we are as individuals. I believe this "something" all lies within self-reliance and self-sufficiency.
What God didn't design into us is the ability to give that "something" to someone else. The only thing in our capacity that we can use to make someone else feel fulfillment is to convey what it is that gives us our own personal fulfillment. What's fulfilling to me may not be fulfilling for anyone else on this planet, however, the "something" I speak of, which is the source of my own personal fulfillment, again, is something that I believe everyone possesses. When I embrace the true calling of my own soul, my passions and desires of what will give me fulfillment in life, that "something", it all becomes written into the integrity of my own character, it becomes who I am. In this sense, it won't even be my intentions to 'help' anyone else to believe what I believe. But, because I am so passionate about my own beliefs, when in conversation, it gives who I'm speaking to that "there’s something about you" feeling. My own understanding of life will be effortlessly conveyed in everything I do because it is now who I am, and since I don't care whether someone else agrees, disagrees, doesn’t care, gets angry and so on, I still leave their own personal decision in their own hands and I still stay true to myself at the same time. I will never tell anyone that they are wrong because they don't believe the same things I believe because I know how ridiculously insane that would sound to me if the tables were turned. The governing principal behind the way I live revolves around my desires for personal fulfillment and happiness, not the desire to impress someone else with the same notion.
So, in conclusion, what exactly is it that I can truly be truly comfortable with? I don't think I've completely realized the answer to that question just yet, though I have a pretty good idea. I do know that whatever it is that I will be comfortable with can only be the product of the fabric that determines my true self and will only be brought about by my own decisions. If ever I fall victim to someone else trying to dictate to me what true comfort is, they've got a big 'F-You' coming their way. It's not to say that they are wrong, it's to say that until I come to that conclusion myself, what you have to say about what's going to make me comfortable is absolutely irrelevant. In my mind, it's just absolutely ludicrous to think that another human being knows the desires of my soul and what makes me mentally, physically, and spiritually comfortable more than myself and God, period.
November 02, 2007
Being Comfortable
The other day I believe I had an epiphany. I haven’t had time to fully refine and gather all my thoughts regarding this, but I need to write about it before I lose the feeling this thought gives me. I remember the basis of this idea being something like: 'everything in life is dictated by how comfortable we are as humans'. Anyways, after having this thought, I was able to find relevance to it in relation to everything I've been through in life. I've always done what I'm comfortable with mentally. Even if, while in that comfort, I'm physically uncomfortable; while doing that which is comfortable to me in that particular moment is completely contradictory to what I was comfortable with in the past. I believe I've come to a very important and controversial philosophy in relation to every aspect of humanity, and perhaps upon realizing the true potential behind this thought I can begin to make sense of some of the 'negativity' I've experienced in this existence.
I guess I should start with how this applies to the lives of children that are still growing (Roughly from the ages of 0-20). What is it that children consider mentally comfortable? This goes back to an earlier entry I made on individuality regarding my opinion that, during that stage of life, everything we consider to be 'reality' during that time is usually the product of a third party's influence, aside from what is indisputably tangible. So, in that sense, that would mean our comfort during that time would also be second-hand. When I think of all of this now and look back on my own life during that time-frame, I do remember being comfortable, but I also remember something accompanying that mental comfort deep in my conscience. This thing, as subtle as it was, could only be self-defined at the time as a negative feeling. I think that deep in the core of my conscience that I knew that this comfort was false, "something" within me was telling me so. What was it though (this...something), was it just doubt, in-security, a head cold, was it God, or was it just an immature part of my consciousness that, like an infant, could only cry and hope that I hear it and remedy the problem it was trying to convey to me? I believe if I continue to pursue this issue I'll be able to define this "something" eventually. I do have a hypotheses right now though, of which I will state in this entry.
For now though, I'll continue with how I can see relevance in relating this idea to a more mature person (Roughly between the ages of 21-35). I believe when we are between the ages of 21 and 35 that we are in the process of refining ourselves and the things about life we have learned. To personalize this entry, I will only speak of myself and my own experiences. I think back now to the point of my transition from collectivist to objectivist/egoist and remember a brief time-frame when nothing felt comfortable. I was just angry after I had realized the amount of time, effort, and sacrifice I put towards my attempts at putting other's comfort before my own. I was even angrier when I began to externalized the objectivist mentality and finally began to find truth in all of my surroundings, and realize how potent and ugly the 'poison' of collectivism can be. I eventually calmed down and felt a level of mental comfort that was much different than I remembered it being. I guess that its because it was genuine, and the only kind of mental comfort that I could be truly comfortable with; I consider that comfort to be unique, because I don't believe anyone could have told me how to attain it aside from myself and God. This kind of comfort was special, not because it was complex and difficult to attain, in fact it's special for the completely opposite reason, its simple. And in it's simplicity, it is the most powerful and most emotionally moving experience I have ever experienced and may ever experience. And, now that I've analyzed this 'comfort', I can't find anything negative about it, no matter how hard I try; the "something" was still there but was now one with my comfort and not giving me that negative feeling I remembered from my past. This 'comfort' is only positive, and I never have doubts in it; I can't see this comfort wavering in the future. I believe that this is the comfort of living in the truth; knowing the truth and not attempting to mask or sugar-coat it.
When living in a life surrounded by lies, I chose to lie to myself in an attempt to become one with that 'reality'. No matter how proficient I became at telling myself I was comfortable when I wasn't, that "something" was always telling me the truth. But, like I said earlier, I believe that "something" in my subconscious to have been immature in my youth. I believe that, with my personal will-power, I was able to subdue that "something" as I grew older until I received the right 'nudge' to make me stop. This is when the time-frame of discomfort that I was writing about earlier arises. Afterwards, I stopped trying to subdue that "something" and just let it be. I believe, right now, the closest I can come to defining this "something" is by calling it the source of my true self. Maybe I'm going too far by saying this, but I don't care anymore, in my experience I believe that there is only a small percentage of people that come to understand what I have at such a young age (I'm 24, I'll be 25 in January '08). This is because the "comfort" that you get from a third party can be so powerful that if one doesn’t receive that "nudge" before a certain age, that "something" will be destroyed and will be unable to convey the truth when one needs it the most, and if an older person (36 and up) realizes this they probably won't care at that point and continue to lie to themselves to the bitter end. This is because after completing our refinement and finding absolute security in our lives (the ages of 21-35 I spoke of earlier), it is very difficult, but not impossible, after that for us to accept an idea that threatens what we have already found security in. So, now my questions lie in why this something exists in the first place? I don't think its special or something astronomical, again, I think its quite simple. We, as humans are designed with this "something" in the beginning, and it can only be produced at birth, and the only requirement for it to exists is for us to exist. (Break Nov 2 2007 1500L Resumed Nov 3 2007 0925L) So, if this is true, it means that it was designed for us to feel this way even when some of us don't accept it. If this is true, at what point did humanity start destroying this something that makes us feel truly happy and comfortable in the pursuit of false happiness and comfort? Why did humanity come to the conclusion to do so in the first place? Why is it that humanity feels discomfort in the truth in the first place? These questions are beyond the limitations of my being at the moment, but I will live my life in pursuit of the answers until the very end.
Time for more hypothetical thoughts and opinions regarding this now. The only reason I find this idea to be somewhat 'special' is, again, because it's difficult to find many people in this day and age who follow such ideas. It's even more of a rarity that two different people who follow such ideas become acquainted with one another. I also personally consider being able to think this way, in spite of the powerful "intangible" opposition to thinking "outside of the box", as a blessing from God. Yes, to be able to think so open mindedly after being raised to think in a "knee-jerk", "locked-step", close-minded manner, has to be nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps not, perhaps the free will, independent mentality and the "something" I speak of is simply another component in the design that makes up what a human being is. When I think along these lines, I remember my history of growing up in relation to what I was taught in church. I remember being told things like "God fills that 'emptiness' in our souls" and "When your truly on fire for the Lord, you don't even have to say anything about it, people will just know that there’s something 'different' and 'special' about you". I think of these things and realize a certain level of truth in those words. I can find some relevance to these sayings in my life. Now that I've been an objectivist/egoist for the past four years, I've noticed a recurring comment that I get from people I converse with. People say things to me like "your weird" or "there’s something about you that I cant put my finger on" or "your special/unique/smart/Different". This is why I say that this "something" is a God sent, and also why I believe so strongly that the greatest problem in religious institutions is the human being. I can remember all the 'empty' people who devoted their entire lives to religion (30,40,50,60 years), preached of fulfillment, and never were able to satisfy their own souls because the desire for that fulfillment was put in the hands of another human being. I truly believe now that God has provided humanity with everything we need to be happy and comfortable, it's been designed into the fabric that makes us who we are as individuals. I believe this "something" all lies within self-reliance and self-sufficiency.
What God didn't design into us is the ability to give that "something" to someone else. The only thing in our capacity that we can use to make someone else feel fulfillment is to convey what it is that gives us our own personal fulfillment. What's fulfilling to me may not be fulfilling for anyone else on this planet, however, the "something" I speak of, which is the source of my own personal fulfillment, again, is something that I believe everyone possesses. When I embrace the true calling of my own soul, my passions and desires of what will give me fulfillment in life, that "something", it all becomes written into the integrity of my own character, it becomes who I am. In this sense, it won't even be my intentions to 'help' anyone else to believe what I believe. But, because I am so passionate about my own beliefs, when in conversation, it gives who I'm speaking to that "there’s something about you" feeling. My own understanding of life will be effortlessly conveyed in everything I do because it is now who I am, and since I don't care whether someone else agrees, disagrees, doesn’t care, gets angry and so on, I still leave their own personal decision in their own hands and I still stay true to myself at the same time. I will never tell anyone that they are wrong because they don't believe the same things I believe because I know how ridiculously insane that would sound to me if the tables were turned. The governing principal behind the way I live revolves around my desires for personal fulfillment and happiness, not the desire to impress someone else with the same notion.
So, in conclusion, what exactly is it that I can truly be truly comfortable with? I don't think I've completely realized the answer to that question just yet, though I have a pretty good idea. I do know that whatever it is that I will be comfortable with can only be the product of the fabric that determines my true self and will only be brought about by my own decisions. If ever I fall victim to someone else trying to dictate to me what true comfort is, they've got a big 'F-You' coming their way. It's not to say that they are wrong, it's to say that until I come to that conclusion myself, what you have to say about what's going to make me comfortable is absolutely irrelevant. In my mind, it's just absolutely ludicrous to think that another human being knows the desires of my soul and what makes me mentally, physically, and spiritually comfortable more than myself and God, period.