e(ver)i
03-31-2008, 09:40 PM
forgive me if this is a bit odd, I'm writing it on the spot. and I'm sorry if it's hard to follow, but I like to write without using names. please tell me what you think.
At school I see her, walking along with him, my best friend. I only really got to know her this year, we sit by each other in English now, and we spend every day talking. I'm starting to really like her, but she's going out with my best friend, so I'll keep my mouth shut. Bell rings, time for class, I go most of the day without seeing her, and then it's time for English. I take my seat on her left, and we immediately begin talking about the day. God! I can talk to her about anything! We just drift from subject to subject, ignoring the teacher while talking, passing notes, and playfully kicking each other under the table. This is my normal day, the only part of it that feels like it matters is that hour I spend with her, then we're back in real life, and he's waiting right outside the classroom, he takes her hand and they kiss for a moment before the three of us walk to our lockers to gather our things before boarding the school buses that will ferry us home. Day after day I sit through this, feeling myself becoming more and more attached to her, and every time I see them together I feel a pang in my chest, wishing she'd look at me the same way she looks at him. Eventually it just becomes too much. I need to tell her. I write a long note and leave it in one of her books for her to find when she gets home, with a cautionary warning on the outside telling her to read it by herself. The next day, she doesn't talk to me and the day after that, she is writing as I come into the classroom, when she sees me she rips out the paper, and hands it to me with a sad smile, the note says this.
"All I can say is wow. I kinda knew you liked me, but I wasn't sure. I'm glad you told me. I just feel really bad because I don't want you to be depressed. You're going to be okay being my friend though, right? Because I like being around you; truly I do. I know it's hard, but please don't be depressed over me. I'm just curious as to how long you've liked me. I don't think any less of you or anything; I feel like I know you better now. I guess I just never expected you to open up to me like that and I guess I'm just really shocked. And I'm flattered too. I don't really know how to say the rest of what I'm thinking, so I guess I'll just end it here. Hey, look, there ya are now."
I read it, and reread it, and then sink into a deep reverie. Later that day, when I'm alone in my room, I let my real emotions out. I cry, I cry for what seems like hours until I don't have any tears left. She was the first girl I ever thought I more than liked, and my friendship with her boyfriend has suffered because of it, but she and I still spend all of english class talking, and passing notes, but it gets harder to watch them together every day, I actually feel a pain in my chest when I see them together. I can't take it much longer, thankfully summer is coming soon, and I'm leaving this school far behind, and never coming back. I don't know If I'll be able to forget, but hopefully I'll be able to let go, and not look back.
ver
At school I see her, walking along with him, my best friend. I only really got to know her this year, we sit by each other in English now, and we spend every day talking. I'm starting to really like her, but she's going out with my best friend, so I'll keep my mouth shut. Bell rings, time for class, I go most of the day without seeing her, and then it's time for English. I take my seat on her left, and we immediately begin talking about the day. God! I can talk to her about anything! We just drift from subject to subject, ignoring the teacher while talking, passing notes, and playfully kicking each other under the table. This is my normal day, the only part of it that feels like it matters is that hour I spend with her, then we're back in real life, and he's waiting right outside the classroom, he takes her hand and they kiss for a moment before the three of us walk to our lockers to gather our things before boarding the school buses that will ferry us home. Day after day I sit through this, feeling myself becoming more and more attached to her, and every time I see them together I feel a pang in my chest, wishing she'd look at me the same way she looks at him. Eventually it just becomes too much. I need to tell her. I write a long note and leave it in one of her books for her to find when she gets home, with a cautionary warning on the outside telling her to read it by herself. The next day, she doesn't talk to me and the day after that, she is writing as I come into the classroom, when she sees me she rips out the paper, and hands it to me with a sad smile, the note says this.
"All I can say is wow. I kinda knew you liked me, but I wasn't sure. I'm glad you told me. I just feel really bad because I don't want you to be depressed. You're going to be okay being my friend though, right? Because I like being around you; truly I do. I know it's hard, but please don't be depressed over me. I'm just curious as to how long you've liked me. I don't think any less of you or anything; I feel like I know you better now. I guess I just never expected you to open up to me like that and I guess I'm just really shocked. And I'm flattered too. I don't really know how to say the rest of what I'm thinking, so I guess I'll just end it here. Hey, look, there ya are now."
I read it, and reread it, and then sink into a deep reverie. Later that day, when I'm alone in my room, I let my real emotions out. I cry, I cry for what seems like hours until I don't have any tears left. She was the first girl I ever thought I more than liked, and my friendship with her boyfriend has suffered because of it, but she and I still spend all of english class talking, and passing notes, but it gets harder to watch them together every day, I actually feel a pain in my chest when I see them together. I can't take it much longer, thankfully summer is coming soon, and I'm leaving this school far behind, and never coming back. I don't know If I'll be able to forget, but hopefully I'll be able to let go, and not look back.
ver