Rover
03-24-2008, 05:44 PM
Well...I really need advices to improve, I'd appreciate it if someone could tell me his or her thoughts on this story :)
'John, drink your chocolate before it's cold'
But Johnny doesn't drink. He stares with empty eyes at the cup, and doesn't seem to hear his mom. She thinks he is probably daydreaming about him being a cowboy like in the movie he watched the day before. For one moment, she tries to pictures what her son might be dreaming about. Arriving on horseback in a deserted town, walking down a dusty main street with his hands flattering nervously around his guns on his hipsides. He stops suddendly at the sound of the clinking of spurs. Another man is in this deserted town too. Friend or ennemy? It is better to hide and observe, and eventually let the guns do the talking...She turns toward the sewer and smiles.
'Come on Johnny, you really want to be late for school?'
But Johnny keeps watching with dreamy eyes his sneakers. His brand new sneakers that his dad bought him the week before...the smile on the boy's face was worth driving all the way to the shopping mall. His dad remembers for a moment how he used to believe he would become a professional athlete when he would grow up. Maybe his son was dreaming about the same thing at the very moment. Yes, this little light in the eyes...that was it. Johnny was imagining himself winning a marathon, a 100 meters hurdels, an olympic medal,... He tenderly ran his hand through the golden locks of his son.
'John, would you mind paying attention to what I'm saying?'
The scolding of Miss Wood was not sufficient to bring Johnny back from his daydreams. Johnny was such a special child, doing everything differently from other boys of his age. He had good grades but school was obviously not made for him: she was ready to bet a was currently wishing to be on a far away planet, like in one of these science fiction novels he had once told her he was so fond about. Johnny was looking out of the window, probably thinking about what kind of aliens he would meet up there. She knew Johnny was smart enough to create a coherent world in his fantasies, full of mysterious planets, aliens and spaceships...This boy was made to dream, not to do mathematics, she told herself as she resumed her lecture with a sigh.
'What's the matter sissy boy, you're too slow to play soccer?'
Any boy of Johnny's age would have had a violent reaction at Bobby's spiteful remark. But Johnny barely heard it, lost in his inner world. For Bobby, Johnny is acting exactly like Max, his fifteen years old brother, madly in love with his girlfriend. Johnny must be in love too. With who? Probably with Maybelline, she is the prettiest girl of the whole school. Yes, that's it, Johnny must be dreaming in the middle of the soccer ground about him holding Maybelline's hand and telling her sweet things. Bleh, love is really a strange thing, and quite useless if it keeps you from playing soccer properly.
'Come on Johnny, the puppies will still be here tomorrow'
Despite his sister getting tired with him watching the puppies in the animal shop window, John didn't move along. Why was the little boy always so slow, she wondered as she dragged him up the street on their way home. He was probably still thinking about the puppies. For a moment she wished she could buy him one of these little furry balls for his birthday...he would be so glad! She could imagine him petting, hugging and playing with the young dog all day long, she was sure he would be a good master, the little boy had such a good nature...Animals felt it and were confident with him. She wished she could be more like him, and inspire confidence to animals too.
'What are you looking at?'
Johnny didn't answer. His elder brother was playing the guitar and Johnny had been
watching him for quite a moment now, until the teenager had ran out of patience. No sooner had he spoken to his young brother that he felt remorse. Johnny was still a little boy, he needed models. No doubt the sight of his big brother practising on his guitar made him wish he were a teenager too. Johnny probably imagined himself wearing his clothes, riding his scooter, hanging around with his friends...that was really cute. He was so proud this little boy had such a high opinion of him.
'Johnny, there's grandma on the phone, she wanna talk to you!'
'Hello?'
'Hello, Johhny? How are you doing? How is school? Did you get the letter I sent you?...'
Grandma kept on talking for a while, and finally stopped when she realized Johnny was not answering her questions. She wondered for a moment what was wrong with her grandson. It was probably the way his parents were bringing him up. Her son had not much time to take care of the child, he had an important job...but what about the girl he had married. Couldn't she take more time to teach John how to sound polite? If she lived closer to them, no doubt she would do a better job of raising this boy. She was sure he could be really good at school, he looked smart. Maybe someday he would go to one of these prestigious schools and graduate with the honors. Then, who knows, he might become a scientist, a rich financier, ...she was sure this boy had the potential to have a bright career.
It's late at night. Little Johnny is in his bed, but he doesn't sleep. Oh no, he doesn't sleep. How could he sleep with all these thoughts in his brain? Thoughts about his daddy, his mom, Miss Wood, Bobby, the puppies, his sister, his brother, his grandma...and how he wants to kill them all. He knows his murder impulses are not right, but it's not his fault if when somebody talks to him he wants to rip their throat off.
'John, drink your chocolate before it's cold'
But Johnny doesn't drink. He stares with empty eyes at the cup, and doesn't seem to hear his mom. She thinks he is probably daydreaming about him being a cowboy like in the movie he watched the day before. For one moment, she tries to pictures what her son might be dreaming about. Arriving on horseback in a deserted town, walking down a dusty main street with his hands flattering nervously around his guns on his hipsides. He stops suddendly at the sound of the clinking of spurs. Another man is in this deserted town too. Friend or ennemy? It is better to hide and observe, and eventually let the guns do the talking...She turns toward the sewer and smiles.
'Come on Johnny, you really want to be late for school?'
But Johnny keeps watching with dreamy eyes his sneakers. His brand new sneakers that his dad bought him the week before...the smile on the boy's face was worth driving all the way to the shopping mall. His dad remembers for a moment how he used to believe he would become a professional athlete when he would grow up. Maybe his son was dreaming about the same thing at the very moment. Yes, this little light in the eyes...that was it. Johnny was imagining himself winning a marathon, a 100 meters hurdels, an olympic medal,... He tenderly ran his hand through the golden locks of his son.
'John, would you mind paying attention to what I'm saying?'
The scolding of Miss Wood was not sufficient to bring Johnny back from his daydreams. Johnny was such a special child, doing everything differently from other boys of his age. He had good grades but school was obviously not made for him: she was ready to bet a was currently wishing to be on a far away planet, like in one of these science fiction novels he had once told her he was so fond about. Johnny was looking out of the window, probably thinking about what kind of aliens he would meet up there. She knew Johnny was smart enough to create a coherent world in his fantasies, full of mysterious planets, aliens and spaceships...This boy was made to dream, not to do mathematics, she told herself as she resumed her lecture with a sigh.
'What's the matter sissy boy, you're too slow to play soccer?'
Any boy of Johnny's age would have had a violent reaction at Bobby's spiteful remark. But Johnny barely heard it, lost in his inner world. For Bobby, Johnny is acting exactly like Max, his fifteen years old brother, madly in love with his girlfriend. Johnny must be in love too. With who? Probably with Maybelline, she is the prettiest girl of the whole school. Yes, that's it, Johnny must be dreaming in the middle of the soccer ground about him holding Maybelline's hand and telling her sweet things. Bleh, love is really a strange thing, and quite useless if it keeps you from playing soccer properly.
'Come on Johnny, the puppies will still be here tomorrow'
Despite his sister getting tired with him watching the puppies in the animal shop window, John didn't move along. Why was the little boy always so slow, she wondered as she dragged him up the street on their way home. He was probably still thinking about the puppies. For a moment she wished she could buy him one of these little furry balls for his birthday...he would be so glad! She could imagine him petting, hugging and playing with the young dog all day long, she was sure he would be a good master, the little boy had such a good nature...Animals felt it and were confident with him. She wished she could be more like him, and inspire confidence to animals too.
'What are you looking at?'
Johnny didn't answer. His elder brother was playing the guitar and Johnny had been
watching him for quite a moment now, until the teenager had ran out of patience. No sooner had he spoken to his young brother that he felt remorse. Johnny was still a little boy, he needed models. No doubt the sight of his big brother practising on his guitar made him wish he were a teenager too. Johnny probably imagined himself wearing his clothes, riding his scooter, hanging around with his friends...that was really cute. He was so proud this little boy had such a high opinion of him.
'Johnny, there's grandma on the phone, she wanna talk to you!'
'Hello?'
'Hello, Johhny? How are you doing? How is school? Did you get the letter I sent you?...'
Grandma kept on talking for a while, and finally stopped when she realized Johnny was not answering her questions. She wondered for a moment what was wrong with her grandson. It was probably the way his parents were bringing him up. Her son had not much time to take care of the child, he had an important job...but what about the girl he had married. Couldn't she take more time to teach John how to sound polite? If she lived closer to them, no doubt she would do a better job of raising this boy. She was sure he could be really good at school, he looked smart. Maybe someday he would go to one of these prestigious schools and graduate with the honors. Then, who knows, he might become a scientist, a rich financier, ...she was sure this boy had the potential to have a bright career.
It's late at night. Little Johnny is in his bed, but he doesn't sleep. Oh no, he doesn't sleep. How could he sleep with all these thoughts in his brain? Thoughts about his daddy, his mom, Miss Wood, Bobby, the puppies, his sister, his brother, his grandma...and how he wants to kill them all. He knows his murder impulses are not right, but it's not his fault if when somebody talks to him he wants to rip their throat off.