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View Full Version : Noises from the attic



Jon666
03-19-2008, 09:48 PM
It was a dark old house with just three floors. Decay had eaten up the house over the many years, but oddly enough It's still being sold. Strange noises could always be heard in the attic at night, but only night. Whom ever moved into the old house tends to always leave after the first week because of the erey noises from the attic. People thought to try and investigate, but the attic door is closed off by a thick layer of wood.

Finally a man named Fred decided to move into the old house with his dog. The land lord awared Fred about the scary noises from the attic and how previous owners had left after the first week. But he ignored his warnings and sayed, "I've been in haunted houses before and none of them had scared me." While Fred was fast asleep in his new house he awoke to a sound of moving furniture coming from the attic. He thought to himself, It must be those raccoons. He quickly fell back to sleep.

Ten minutes later the noises came again and louder than ever. This time the sounds came directly from above his bed room ceiling. Bang! A huge slouch suddenly appeared above his ceiling, almost caving in on him. He hopped up out of his bed and grabbed his metal baseball bat from under his bed, gripping it in both hands. An instant chill ran up his spine. He started to become scared and decided to investigate these strange phenomenons.

Then he began to walk slowly towards the attic door noticing its been closed off by the layer of wood. Holding tight onto his metal baseball bat, he hit the door. Crash! the wood droped to the ground and broke. He jumped up into the attic and freezed in horror, stopping dead in his tracks. Terror filled his face. There on the attic floor laid the corpse of a rotted away boy. Fred and his dog fled the house and swore to never return again.

Nighteyes5678
03-20-2008, 01:43 AM
This story is a start and I hope you don't let it become an end.

Let me tell you the problem: there are 1,000,012 stories with this same plot (I know, I counted once). Does this mean that you should throw it away? Not necessarily, but it does mean that you have to do something to make it your own. An excellent place to start would be to Show instead of Tell.

Here's a thought:

The story consists of two scenes. The first scene is the real estate agent showing the house to the old man. The old man is very interested - why? Is he down on his luck, looking for a cheap place to stay? Is this the only place that will let him have his dog with him? Find a motivation for your main character, make him real - and refuses to listen to the agent, who isn't trying that hard any way because hey, he's gotta sell the place, right?

The next scene is in the evening. Try your hand at suspense. What does the house look like, feel like,smell like, sound like? Go sit in an old house yourself, preferably at night - old churches or chapels are great for this. Then, building the suspense, take it step-by-step.

But there is a problem - the ending. It's a common, retold ghost story. Eeek, ghost/corpse! Run! Find a twist, a hook and you've got us.

Or, a more advanced idea, integrate the first scene into the second scene, but still don't Tell us anything. Can you do it? It's a fun challenge.

Keep writing!

Jon666
03-20-2008, 01:19 PM
This story is a start and I hope you don't let it become an end.

Let me tell you the problem: there are 1,000,012 stories with this same plot (I know, I counted once). Does this mean that you should throw it away? Not necessarily, but it does mean that you have to do something to make it your own. An excellent place to start would be to Show instead of Tell.

Here's a thought:

The story consists of two scenes. The first scene is the real estate agent showing the house to the old man. The old man is very interested - why? Is he down on his luck, looking for a cheap place to stay? Is this the only place that will let him have his dog with him? Find a motivation for your main character, make him real - and refuses to listen to the agent, who isn't trying that hard any way because hey, he's gotta sell the place, right?

The next scene is in the evening. Try your hand at suspense. What does the house look like, feel like,smell like, sound like? Go sit in an old house yourself, preferably at night - old churches or chapels are great for this. Then, building the suspense, take it step-by-step.

But there is a problem - the ending. It's a common, retold ghost story. Eeek, ghost/corpse! Run! Find a twist, a hook and you've got us.

Or, a more advanced idea, integrate the first scene into the second scene, but still don't Tell us anything. Can you do it? It's a fun challenge.

Keep writing!
Thanks for your suggestions. I'll try and make the story more exciting.

Jon666
03-20-2008, 01:24 PM
Whoops, double posted.