Log in

View Full Version : trying to come up with a title



dauthi
03-18-2008, 12:19 AM
I'm trying to come up with a title for this poem.

---

Hope is as hollow as fear.
You've got nickels for eyes,
A broken fishbone for a nose,
Stitches where your mouth should be.

Your smile magnifies under the glare of the telescope.
The mummified corpses sway to your rhythm,
Crooked and angular,
Just like you.

The mirror has no stories to tell but you lose yourself anyway.
You've got great white wings but all the feathers have fallen out.
You play at life but you play to win.
You could fly but instead you meditate.

When you're floating across the abyss look down.
Are you more eternal than the wind?

ShadowFire
03-18-2008, 11:49 AM
I like some of the images you potray above. My favorite part is
"Crooked and angular,
Just like you"
This means volumes to me. I enjoyed reading your poem and thank you for sharing. Another cool part is when you say "Stitches where your mouth should be" I like that concept.

V.Jayalakshmi
03-18-2008, 01:30 PM
Dear Dauthi,
I liked it too.The images are haunting to say the least.Why not name it"The Crooked Me".

PrinceMyshkin
03-18-2008, 04:28 PM
Powerful poem! When I'm stuck for a title, I often use the first line of the poem, retaining it as the first line, and in this case your first line would make an intriguing title.