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andrew2322
03-16-2008, 02:35 AM
Grade Essay Please

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Could someone PLEASE grade this essay + tips on how to improve it.

The Question Is: Elie survives only because he keeps alive the hope of survival. Do you agree?

Elie Wiesel’s literary memoir of the holocaust paints a vivid image of a cruel and grueling experience. Against all odds of his treacherous journey, Wiesel’s survival was fundamentally dependant upon hope. Throughout the book, the young dehumanized teenager demonstrates how his grasp of the concept of hope allows a glimmer of hope to be used as motivation for himself and others around him, on occasions, he employs false hopes to accomplish this. A closer examination suggests that Elie’s love for his father can be considered as a major contribution toward his motivation for survival, this consequently sparks a debate on whether Elie survived for his father or purely by the hope he sustained.

A major component of Elie’s survival can be linked to his relationship with his father; this is evident through the youngster explicitly stating that his death would be an act of self-interest against his father. From Sighet, a serene, closely-knit community to a barren, death camp where the smell of death lingered, Wiesel needed moral support, he found this through his father. Throughout the text, the young Elie demonstrates how important his father had become to him, “The same thought ringed, to not lose my father” it is through this developed bond that Elie desperately doubles his effort to save his father, “I began to give him some of my rations to help him avoid selection” which inadvertently aids his struggle for survival, “The only thing holding me back from death now was my father, how could I die and expect him to carry on?” From this evidence, stating that his survival was ultimately dependant upon hope is a bold statement. Wiesel’s use of hope as a motivational tool however swiftly fortifies that his survival was ultimately dependant upon hope.

Eliezer persistently uses hope as a motivational tool for his strives at survival; he does this by negating pessimistic thoughts and focusing on the optimistic side to consequently build up confidence, which is vital in a place where death is inevitable. Although knowing the obvious answers, by focusing on the optimistic side, “Mother is still young and tzipora is a big girl, they would have escaped the crematorium, but deep down we knew their fate” he gives himself reason to live and as a result motivates his struggle to exist. Maintaining his hope of survival, Elie is able to harness this positive energy to promote his mental and physical well-being and that of his fathers, “Abit more marching father, we’re almost there” even though he didn’t know the distance left. Wiesel always conjures up a sense of hope for everyone around him, he promotes the near impossible and makes it seem realistic, * quote * even if it involves lying. The pious and studious young man Elie was, allowed him to grasp the paramount importance of hope, and also demonstrated how it was a vital component in his survival.

As a child, Elie spent many hours alone studying and memorizing sacred texts. This supreme intellect Elie possessed allowed him to understand the impact hope played on people, especially in death camps. Wiesel’s understanding of hope is made obvious throughout the text; one particularly distinct point is when Elie witnesses the hanging of Pipel, “The soup rations tasted like corpses that night” many looked at Pipel as an angel from God including Elie, in his death he loses a lot of hope that God was with them in their time of trial, “where is God now? I heard myself answer, here he is, hanging on these gallows.” After losing all, but little hope that God will deliver them, Elie spreads hope realizing its positive attributes, despite at times employing false hopes, “I have spoken to your wife, they’re all fine” Elie is essentially gives the person a second chance at life, “I only live knowing my family is safe.”

It is clear from the outpouring of evidence that many other conditions affected Elie’s survival, however the most distinct and obvious factor would by far be Elie’s hope in survival. Grasping the concept of hope due to his intellectual nature, Elie learns through the hanging to Pipel that the only way to survive his cruel and grueling time was by spreading hope in any form, fictional or factual and to use hope as a motivational tool to provide himself, his father and his fellow prisoners with a reason to live.

aabbcc
03-16-2008, 11:05 AM
Grade would depend on your age, of course.
Even though the standards may differ from country to country, professor to professor, they always include distinction for different age groups and years students are in. The same text, if written by a student who is 13-14 years old, could easily be given a strong B, even a B+, or an A by a more lenient professor; yet, if written by a student who is 16-17 years old, would barely be given a C; and if written by college student, it would remain ungraded.

This concrete example is how I would personally rate your paper, though I am no expert in education, simply looking back at my own and the experiences of my classmates throughout the years. The kind of writing you present here is the decent writing of a good student about to leave middle school; very predictable by content and somewhat clumsy by expression if writing of somebody in their middle/later teens - certainly "passable", but without much of that something which gives 'flavour' to writing and makes it stand out; and overly simplistic and simply bad writing of somebody who is in college studying humanities. According to the age group you are in, take it either as a compliment, either as a critique - but nothing personal. :) Just my view, when compared to works I come in touch and the criteria we had (still have :D) in lyceum.

I cannot think of any way to make it much better whilst basically keeping it the same. It needs to be rewritten, the analysis should be more in-depth, the "concept of hope" is not well explained, the contents need to be restructured, the conclusion entirely replaced by a better one. And don't spare the space, I got an impression that it should be longer than that to handle the question well. Or at least those kind of things I would be told by my professor, if I handed in that paper, in my last year of high school, even in a foreign language class - let alone in native one (I assume). Maybe we just have higher standards in my school, I don't know, maybe you're significantly younger than me so it's okay, but it just doesn't "sound" brilliant to me - average at best.

No hard feelings.

andrew2322
03-17-2008, 03:11 AM
well i got a C
:(

just a quick question though

who is the Elie's father attacked by towards the end of the story?