Write and comment on poems!

[teen-poet]

Hi guys. I'm new on this website, but I want to post my poems so that others can comment on them and make them better!
Feel free to add your own poems, if you do I will put my own comments with it. I'm not afraid of criticism, but no complete "this sucks" you know!
So have fun, post poems and comment! It helps people improve their work and you get a nice mushy feeling inside...
=)

xxC

[teen-poet]

Glitter
As natural light dissipates slowly,
s l o w l y,
my face golden,
the glowing ball drops
i
n
t
o
the water.

Sand stretches outwards to
kiss
the retreating sea.

I sit and
think
about things.
Beauty.
Ugliness?
Good.
Bad.

How can we
tell
what is
right
and what is
wrong?

we won’t be here for too much longer
we’re killing beauty
for a good hair day

and then there will be
dust
rain
glitter.

[Carol58175817]

It's creative and imaginative! I like it!

[Haunted]

Welcome Teen. Very good use of visual layout. Your poem is the 5th stanza. It's thought provoking with a strong voice. The rest is just window-dressing and not really original. And you haven't tied anything that remotely suggests "ugliness", so there's a disconnect. What made you go from "beauty" to "ugliness"? Just saying you were "thinking" doesnt' cut it. Show it. I'd keep S5, and rework the rest. Not sure what you mean with the last stanza, it's ambiguous. Poem can just end with S5. It's much more powerful this way.