You Don't Quite Get It

[jon1jt]

But why did she have to ask you to take her home?

[motherhubbard]

Jon, I like this very much. there are so many elements that strike me, but what caught me was the smell of kisses- I love that smell!

[motherhubbard]

OK I just wanted to check here - did she have a breastless body or a breathless body?

[jon1jt]

OK I just wanted to check here - did she have a breastless body or a breathless body?

Both. :p

[dibyendra]

Lovely John. You've outdone this one again. :) This is so full of feelings and so mellow.

The following lines are really splendid Jon:



her mouth perfect as light,
emptied pure of love--
pressed into my shoulder.
Her skinny leg




I crashed into her flesh,
realizing---
this is what beauty is, what
would come tomorrow,




unswept.
Lingering over eternity, our
condition so sweet.
We were young once, like roses




without thorns.
The sky leaking on
the cracked sidewalks I walk down.


Keep up your good work jon! :thumbs_up

[motherhubbard]

I’m so glad I got to see the evolution of this, at least in part. I like this better. The only thing that doesn’t sound right to me is the word crashed. I think all of the other words contribute to a much softer imagery, but crashed has a different kind of tone to it.

[jon1jt]

I’m so glad I got to see the evolution of this, at least in part. I like this better. The only thing that doesn’t sound right to me is the word crashed. I think all of the other words contribute to a much softer imagery, but crashed has a different kind of tone to it.

Yeah, what you commented on earlier was the raw, unedited version. I post them that way to create a sense of urgency. I think it's there now. Crashed. Hmmm. I need to step away from it for about a day and check back. Hey, thanks for hanging out, watching the evolution, reading. ;)

[motherhubbard]

It was my pleasure! This is my favorite since something fine in touching grass

[dibyendra]

But why did she have to ask you to take her home?

We fell asleep in the car.
It was running for over two hours---
she invited me inside.
There was a fragrance of kisses in the hall,
her mouth perfect
as light, emptied pure of love---

pressed into my shoulder.
Her skinny leg swung slightly open
on the brink;
I held her breastless body,
crashed into her flesh, realizing---

this is what beauty is, what light
comes to this mind, a
small candle unswept by wind,
lingering over
eternity, our condition so sweet.

I’m sex and I'm your sex,
she soon says.
We were young once, roses and thorns.
I wish I knew more what my father thought.
He once said that the mind went with it.

The sky rains on the sidewalks I walked down.
The faint breeze from the leaves above,
how the tree bends then stands again.
You don't quite get it,

how life asserts itself.
I start back to the sadness of your voice,
fold my hands to pray;
yes, yes.

Your edited version is brilliant Jon. :thumbs_up I really admire your work. The following lines of this poem are really stunning full of feelings. :)



Her skinny leg swung slightly open
on the brink;
I held her breastless body,
crashed into her flesh, realizing---

this is what beauty is, what light
comes to this mind, a
small candle unswept by wind,
lingering over
eternity, our condition so sweet.




We were young once, roses and thorns.




The sky rains on the sidewalks I walked down.
The faint breeze from the leaves above,
how the tree bends then stands again.


I'm so glad to see your edited version of this poem. :)

[Sweets America]

Ah, here is one that I love. It is strange how at first I thought it sounded perhaps too much like prose to me but very soon after, I just forgot about it because I was engrossed in the poem. I love it very much even thought I am not sure I understand everything. I love this stanza:


The sky rains on the sidewalks I walked down.
The faint breeze from the leaves above,
how the tree bends then stands again.
You don't quite get it,

The imagery is wonderful.

I feel a great sadness in this poem. Something of a lost love. Something about an encounter that sticks to the mind. The last stanza is excellent. I love what emanates from this poem, you see. It's like a perfume, a sweet reminder of the past.

[Pendragon]

The question of just who the mysterious "you" in the poem is has given me pause, Jon, but I have settled it to my satisfation. As it may not be what you mean, I refrain from imposing my ideas, but it was your last line that gave me mine... :nod: