Does It Hurt Too Much To Care?

[Pensive]

Posted it in the 'write an angry poem' thread yesterday, too (I hope mods don't mind me starting a thread for it now :) ). So the anger in this poem is quite deliberate. Any comments would be really appreciated.



Does It Hurt Too Much To Care?

Yes
No
Okay
Right
Wrong
Fine
Mine
Hi
Bye
Without any explanation
Without any description
Without any conviction
Am sick of this briefness
What kind of friendship is this?
What sort of love?
Where chatting for more than a few minutes
Would get you pissed?
Where sharing something with me
Would get you in trouble?
Where starting a conversation by your own
Would get your knickers in a knot?
Thinking it's so cool
As if we are together because
A woman only understands the language
Of shoe
Your thinking.
Reading your diary
Opened many forbidden doors
Thinking that I
Would leave you forever
If we got closer
If you become open
Your ideas make something in me
Scream.
Perhaps our relationship was a mistake
You never apparently understood me
I never had an access to your thoughts either
I know now your diary better than you
Which you decided to trust more than ever
You could trust me and entrust
Your thoughts to me
Stop torturing me
Order this pain to stop
Just by having a long chat
With unnecessary silly big words as you call them
No formality
No preciseness
No conciseness
Or slowly
Your lack of care
Might erase the existence
Of our commitment to each other

I wonder what you say
On our commitment's deathday
"Glad it's over"?
Or
"I knew this would be it"?
Or
"Bye, I don't care"?
Would you utter one of the
Longest sentence that ever
Have you said in your whole life
Related to me
To me?

Does it hurt to forget some old ideas
Written in your diary and to erase them
More than it hurts to erase a part of somebody's heart?
Does it hurt too much to care?
Does it hurt too much to care?

[ReynardKitsune]

No formality
No preciseness
No conciseness
Or slowly
Your lack of care
Might erase the existence
Of our commitment to each other'

awesome i liked it! seems alot of frustration is used when writing this

[PrinceMyshkin]

Paradoxically, I believe that the most effective expression of one's anger is when one does so coldly, paying as much attention to the formality of composing a poem as to telling the other what an insensitive idiot she/he has been.

[Pensive]

No formality
No preciseness
No conciseness
Or slowly
Your lack of care
Might erase the existence
Of our commitment to each other'

awesome i liked it! seems alot of frustration is used when writing this

Oh yes, was really angry while writing this. Can't help this habit of taking out all the anger inside me on paper because I just can't explode in front of people usually. Heh ego. Thanks for reading it and am glad that you liked it. :)


Paradoxically, I believe that the most effective expression of one's anger is when one does so coldly, paying as much attention to the formality of composing a poem as to telling the other what an insensitive idiot she/he has been.

Paradoxically, sensitive people are considered to be idiots... Anyway thanks for dropping by and reading the poem, PrinceMyshkin.

[downing]

Without any explanation
Without any description
Without any conviction
Am sick of this briefness
What kind of friendship is this?
What sort of love?

I loved it!!! Great poem! These verses flow wonderfully and I like the general shape of the poem ;)

Your ideas make something in me
Scream.


Great! ;) Keep up the good work I can hardly wait to read more. :)

[forcedtobe]

i'm new at poems but i love this one, its so sad and anger and confusion is everywhere in it.

i'm going through something kinda like what your describing and it really hurts. i can see what you feel everything you say, i relate to it..

great poem :)

[Virgil]

Boy this is very good Pensy. Your writing is really maturing. I loved the rhythem of this and loved this section best:

Without any explanation
Without any description
Without any conviction
Am sick of this briefness
What kind of friendship is this?
What sort of love?
Where chatting for more than a few minutes
Would get you pissed?
Where sharing something with me
Would get you in trouble?
Where starting a conversation by your own
Would get your knickers in a knot?

[Pensive]

Thanks guys, comments surely are a huge encouragement. I would take your word for that Virgil that my poems are maturing (or I am maturing) because I would like that. :)

[Pendragon]

This probably makes my thirty-something read of this poem, which should tell you that I haven't a clue where to begin to comment on it! This is almost visible anger, as if I were the one to whom you were speaking! I think that is what made me hesitate to comment on the brilliance of the poem, is the anger in it is so overpowering that it projects from the page. Mercy, my little Memsahib, but you will cow a mild mannered man and make even a brave one duck for cover! Remind me to remain on very good friendly terms with you! (Just kidding, Pensy!) Well Done! :thumbs_up :)

[symphony]

Boy this is very good Pensy.


TRemind me to remain on very good friendly terms with you! (Just kidding, Pensy!) Well Done! :thumbs_up :)

I second those :D